In every relationship, communication is key, but while being open and honest is essential, there are certain things better left unsaid. Whether it’s to avoid hurting feelings or to maintain a harmonious atmosphere, here are the 17 things you should never tell your partner.
Your Ex Was Better
CNBC reveals that “if you’re comparing your current dating prospects to your past partner, you’re not ready for a new relationship.” Comparing your partner to an ex is a surefire way to ignite insecurity and resentment; even if it’s just a fleeting thought, keep it to yourself. Your partner should feel like they’re the best in your eyes.
You Always Do That
If you’re using words like “always” and “never” when criticising your partner’s behaviour, it can be incredibly damaging, as it implies that they’re perpetually flawed and incapable of change. Instead, address specific instances without generalising their actions.
I Don’t Care
Telling your partner that you don’t care about something that’s important to them can be deeply hurtful, because it sends the message that their interests and feelings don’t matter to you. Even if you’re not particularly invested in the topic, show support and interest out of respect for your partner.
You’re Just Like Your Parent
If your partner is being compared to their parent, especially in a negative light, it can trigger a defensive response. Many people have complex relationships with their parents, and drawing parallels can bring up unresolved issues, so instead of making comparisons, focus on the specific behaviour that’s bothering you and discuss it—without dragging family dynamics into the mix.
I Hate Your Friends
Your partner’s friends are an important part of their life, and outright telling them you hate their friends can create a rift. If you have issues with their friends, try to discuss your concerns without being confrontational, and it’s always important to respect their social circle and find a way to coexist peacefully.
You’re Too Sensitive
When you dismiss your partner’s feelings by calling them “too sensitive”, it invalidates their emotions and experiences. Everyone has different thresholds for what affects them; instead of criticising their sensitivity, try to understand where they’re coming from and address the issue with empathy.
I Don’t Like Your Family
Criticising your partner’s family can be a delicate subject, and while it’s important to be honest, outright saying you dislike their family can put your partner in a tough spot. Instead, focus on specific behaviours or incidents that bother you and discuss them respectfully.
That’s Not How My Ex Did It
Especially in intimate situations, bringing up how your ex did things is a major no-no. It can make your partner feel inadequate and compared, so instead focus on what works for you both in the present relationship—every relationship is unique, after all.
I Wish You Were More Like…
It can be incredibly hurtful if you’re telling your partner you wish they were more like someone else, as it implies that they’re not good enough as they are. If there’s something you’d like to see more of, communicate it positively and constructively.
You’re Overreacting
A person being told they’re overreacting by their partner can invalidate their feelings and make them feel unheard, and even if you don’t understand their reaction, it’s important to listen and empathise. Try to see things from their perspective and acknowledge their emotions.
I Didn’t Mean It That Way
While clarifying intentions is important, saying you didn’t mean it that way can sometimes come off as dismissive, and it’s much better to acknowledge the hurt caused and apologise sincerely. Focus on understanding why your partner felt hurt and how you can avoid similar situations in the future.
You Need to Change
Telling your partner they need to change can be perceived as an attack on their character, when you could have approached the topic with care and suggested growth and improvement together. Use “we” instead of “you” to show that you’re in it together, and encourage mutual growth to help both partners feel supported and valued.
You Never Listen
A great way to shut down communication is to accuse your partner of never listening instead of expressing how you feel when you’re not heard. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings without placing blame, as this opens up a dialogue and encourages your partner to be more attentive—without feeling defensive.
You’re So Annoying
Calling your partner annoying can feel like a very personal dig, therefore if certain behaviours bother you, address them specifically and respectfully. It’s important to communicate what you need without belittling your partner, even if you do feel annoyed by them.
I’m Fine
“I’m fine” being said when you’re clearly not can create confusion, not to mention frustration, as your partner can’t address issues they’re unaware of. Be honest about your feelings and communicate what’s bothering you, because this transparency helps resolve conflicts more effectively.
I Wish You’d Change
Wishing your partner would change implies that you’re not happy with who they are. If there is something you wish they’d change about themselves, focus on positive reinforcement and encourage the behaviours you appreciate. Highlight the good things and work on any issues together.
You’re Not Enough
One last thing you should never say is “You’re not enough;” telling your partner this is one of the most damaging statements you can make. It strikes at the core of their self-worth and can have long-lasting effects on your relationship.