While it’s ideal to grow up with nurturing and supportive parents, unfortunately, that’s not the case for everyone. For those starting to question the nature of their upbringing, particularly if it felt less than healthy, there are certain indicators that may suggest a more difficult family dynamic. This article highlights signs that could point to having been raised by narcissistic parents, helping you to better understand your past experiences.
Overwhelming Feelings of Guilt and Responsibility
Sadly, narcissistic parents often cause their kids to feel over-responsible for mistakes or even things that weren’t their fault at all. As adults, these individuals may carry a sense of unnecessary guilt and responsibility for situations beyond their control.
Perfectionism and Fear of Failure
Narcissistic people commonly set unrealistically high standards for their kids, which sets them up for “failure” and disappointment. People raised in this way may internalize these high standards, causing them to be overly perfectionistic in adulthood.
Difficulty Trusting Others
Narcissistic parents will often manipulate, belittle, or exploit their children in an effort to get their own needs met. As you can imagine, this betrayal of parental trust can make it much more difficult for their children to trust others when they grow up.
Chronic Self-doubt
People raised by narcissistic parents are bombarded by messages that undermine their confidence and decision-making abilities. This can lead them to continue doubting themselves and their sense of judgment in their adulthood.
Deep-seated Fear of Abandonment
Narcissistic parenting typically creates a sense of conditional rather than unconditional love. This, as well as other traumatic experiences, can leave individuals raised in this way with a pervasive fear of abandonment that extends into their adult relationships.
Emotionally Focused Coping Mechanisms
When we lack emotional support from our parents or caregivers, we are forced to find that support elsewhere. As such, many children of narcissistic parents end up developing coping mechanisms to help them manage their emotions. Sadly, this also includes dysfunctional coping mechanisms such as disordered eating and substance use.
Excessive People-pleasing Behavior
Psych Central states that because narcissistic parents often teach their children that their needs are superior, these children will often grow up to be people pleasers. People pleasers learn to prioritize others’ needs over their own, even if it means putting their own well-being at risk.
Engaging in Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
The sense of unworthiness and low self-esteem that often comes with being the child of narcissistic parents often leads these individuals to unconsciously sabotage their success or happiness. If you find yourself stuck in the same damaging patterns, this could be a sign that you were raised by narcissistic parents.
Difficulty Expressing Emotions
Narcissistic individuals don’t usually make the most emotionally supportive parents. Because they will commonly discourage or punish expressions of emotion, their children can have a hard time opening up and letting others see their emotional side in the future.
Attracting Narcissistic Partners in Adulthood
Unfortunately, we tend to be subconsciously attracted to people who display similar traits to our parents or caregivers, even if those traits are toxic. So if you’ve noticed that you keep falling for narcissistic partners, this might be because you had narcissistic parents.
Having an External Locus of Control
Narcissistic parents often lead their children to feel helpless and powerless to their cruelty and control. As adults, these individuals may have an external locus of control, meaning that they feel like their life is ultimately controlled by external factors rather than their own actions.
Experiencing Anxiety and Depression
Unfortunately, childhood experiences with narcissistic caregivers can lead to persistent mental health issues and challenges. For example, according to ScienceDirect, anxiety and depression are more common among those who have had traumatic childhood experiences.
Feeling Isolated or Alienated
People who grew up with narcissistic parents often feel disconnected from their peers. This can be for a variety of reasons, including feeling like they cannot relate to the lives of others and having issues with trust and vulnerability.
Constantly Seeking Validation
Growing up with narcissistic parents can often leave you feeling over-criticized, misunderstood, and undervalued. Because of this, it’s common to develop issues with your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. If you find yourself constantly seeking approval or validation from others, you may have grown up with narcissistic parents.
Difficulty Setting Boundaries
As noted by CNBC, narcissistic parents are notoriously bad with boundaries. Sadly, this also extends to how they treat their kids, commonly leading them to disrespect or overstep their children’s boundaries. As adults, children raised this way often struggle with setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Hypersensitivity to Criticism
When you’re raised in a household where criticism is harsh, unfair, and frequent, this can cause you to develop a particular sensitivity to feedback from others. Even if it is not meant as a personal attack, you may be more likely to perceive it this way if you were brought up by narcissistic parents.
Struggle With Self-identity
Narcissistic parents have a bad habit of viewing their children as extensions of their own egos rather than individuals with their own likes and dislikes. Because of this, people raised in this way often have a suppressed sense of self and identity.
Oversensitivity to Change or Uncertainty
The unpredictability that is typical in a narcissistic household can cause children to feel like they have no control or power in their lives. When these individuals grow up, they may attempt to compensate for this lack of control by keeping things the same and being resistant to change.