Unfortunately, many people in the world are two-faced, acting all friendly to people when, in reality, they’re mean. One of their favorite evil tactics to do this is to disguise insults as compliments, but, thankfully, we can see through that. So that you can too, here are some “compliments” that may sound nice but you should know are actually insulting.
Clean Up Well
At weddings and other special occasions, some people tell others that they “clean up well,” suggesting that they don’t normally look good, but they present themselves well for this occasion. It highlights a suggestion that their normal appearance is subpar, which can be hurtful and demeaning. However, don’t get too offended if you hear this in the UK, where it’s a surprisingly light-hearted and common expression.
Pretty If You Smiled More
One of the most shocking insults disguised as a compliment is, “You’d be pretty if you smiled more.” Sadly, this comment suggests that someone, usually a woman, should be walking around smiling all the time fakely to attract men as if they’re objects. It also implies that their natural expression is unattractive, so there’s really nothing complimentary about saying this.
Surprisingly Good at This
Another disguised insult that subtly undermines someone’s expectations is to add “surprisingly” to a compliment, such as saying, “You’re surprisingly good at this.” This implies that the person was not expected to be good at the task for whatever reason, suggesting low expectations and disbelief in their abilities.
Pretty Smart for a Woman
As NPR points out, one of the most clearly offensive and sexist “compliments” on this list is to tell a lady that she is “pretty smart for a woman.” That’s an awful thing to say, as it implies that intelligence is unexpected in women, which just isn’t true. It reinforces gender stereotypes, too, which are considered to be very old-fashioned in this day and age.
Great for Your Age
Similar to the last fake compliment, praising someone’s appearance while referencing their age suggests they generally shouldn’t look good and could even be seen as sarcastic. It’s a backhanded compliment that implies that aging diminishes beauty and that, with this considered, the person’s looks aren’t too bad. Just be nice and compliment them without talking about age.
Really Brave for Doing That
Some people will subtly insult others by saying, “You’re really brave for doing that.” On the surface, this may seem like a compliment, but they’ll generally use it to applaud something ordinary, suggesting that they hold low expectations for the person. It’s completely belittling, so avoid saying this and insulting someone without realizing it.
You’re Not Like the Others
One of the most insulting “compliments” is when someone claims that someone is “not like the others,” usually in reference to a group, gender, or even race. This is an outrageous thing to say, as it imposes negative stereotypes onto their identity, leading to one of the most backhanded compliments out there.
So Articulate
Believe it or not, praising someone’s articulation can be patronizing, especially if it’s said in a context where articulation should be a given, such as during a speech. It can imply that being well-spoken is unusual for the person, which is just plain insulting.
Lost So Much Weight
You should only ever compliment somebody on their weight loss in private, and only if they have actively been speaking to you about their efforts. In any other situation, it’s incredibly rude, as the person likely does not want to focus on their weight. You never know what they could be going through, so drop the fat shaming.
Great Personality
Sadly, a backhanded compliment that is still surprisingly common is when people state that someone has a “great personality.” This is absolutely an insult disguised as a compliment because what they’re really trying to say is that they don’t find them physically attractive. However, they don’t have the courage to say what they’re really thinking, subtly implying it in a nasty manner.
Independent for a Woman
Just like “Pretty smart for a woman,” substituting this for “Independent” is not cool either. It suggests that independence is unusual or exceptional for women, reinforcing outdated gender roles. Furthermore, it implies that a woman’s self-sufficiency is surprising, which will come across as condescending, without a doubt.
It’s Nice That You Don’t Care What People Think
Similarly to saying, “I wish I could be as laid back as you”, a lot of people use “It’s nice that you don’t care what people think” as a backhanded compliment. As you may have guessed, this implies that the person’s style or behavior is unconventional, eccentric, or unattractive, subtly criticizing their inability to conform to societal norms while disguising it as being friendly.
Strong for a Guy Who Doesn’t Work Out
On the male side of things, a backhanded compliment might include, “You’re pretty strong for a guy who doesn’t work out.” As it sounds, this suggests that a man is lazy and doesn’t put in the work to deserve his strength. It also pokes nastily at their appearance, which may look less muscular than it seems.
I Respect Your Confidence in Wearing That
Sadly, when someone claims that they “respect your confidence for wearing that,” they’re being very unkind. In reality, they’re trying to suggest that the clothing doesn’t fit your body type or that it is unnecessary to repeal it, insinuating that you shouldn’t be confident in doing so. It’s really two-faced because it quite literally means the opposite of what it implies.
You’ve Done So Well Considering Your Background
One of the worst disguised insults on this list is claiming that someone “Has done so well considering their background.” This is almost always said with racist connotations, although it can also be mocking someone’s poverty or upbringing. This stuff has nothing to do with someone’s ability to succeed in life, so don’t be so cruel.
You’re So Lucky to Have Found Someone
People who say, “You’re so lucky to have found someone,” are making almost zero effort to hide how two-faced they’re being. They’re suggesting that the person wouldn’t normally be able to find a partner due to some sort of flaw, which is just cruel. If you ever hear this from a friend, ditch them–they’re not worth your time.
Your House is So Cozy and Cute
It’s common for rude people to compliment someone’s home by claiming it’s “so cozy and cute,” and while this could be seen as friendly, be careful because it normally isn’t. They’re trying to insult the size and style of your home in a way that is not obvious, usually in an act of snobbery. There’s nothing wrong with coziness and cuteness, so the joke is on them.
It’s Great How You Don’t Allow Your Disability to Define You
Outrageously, many people still realize that complimenting a disabled person for not letting their disability define them is just not right. Disabled people live vibrant and varied lives just like anyone else, and assuming otherwise is incredibly rude and demeaning. Sometimes, people genuinely say this to try to be nice, but in reality, they should just compliment the person like they would with anyone else.