Nobody actively tries to be unbearable to other people; sadly, it’s just something that arises due to their behaviors and the things that they say. However, it’s only natural to want to avoid this, so here are 18 things you likely say that make people find you completely unbearable.
“No Offense, But…”
As the Washington Post points out, when you start a sentence with “no offense,” it ironically tends to set the stage for something offensive. Even if it’s not intended, people brace themselves for negativity, leading the phrase to make others feel defensive or hurt, even if the comment that follows is mild.
“I’m Just Being Honest.”
Honesty is a virtue, but just like “No offense, but…”, this phrase often precedes a harsh or unnecessary truth. It suggests that what follows is going to be uncomfortable or hurtful, making it harder for the listener to receive the message, so just be honest instead of building your comment up in such a way.
“You Always…” or “You Never…”
It’s never wise to use absolute phrases such as these, as they tend to exaggerate reality and put others on the defensive. People rarely do anything “always” or “never,” and such statements make it difficult for them to engage in a constructive conversation. Instead, try using specific examples to make your point clearer and less confrontational, and consider starting with “I think” instead of “You.”
“It’s Not My Problem.”
When you dismiss something as “not my problem,” it signals a lack of empathy and willingness to help. This attitude can quickly alienate others, as it suggests that you just don’t care about their challenges. Offering a small amount of assistance or showing understanding can go a long way in maintaining goodwill.
“I Told You So.”
Another phrase that will quickly make people find you unbearable is when you say, “I told you so.” This phrase is the verbal equivalent of gloating; it adds insult to injury, especially when someone is already feeling down. There’s nothing helpful about it, and people don’t appreciate being reminded of their mistakes. Therefore, this phrase can come across as smug and unsupportive.
“Calm Down.”
Telling someone to “calm down” often has the opposite effect, escalating their emotions instead of soothing them. It dismisses their feelings and suggests that they’re overreacting. It’s far more effective to acknowledge their emotions and offer support, which can help de-escalate the situation.
“You’re Overthinking It.”
While intended to reassure, this phrase can feel dismissive to someone who’s genuinely concerned about something. It suggests that their thoughts are not valid or worth considering, which likely isn’t true. So, be careful throwing it around too loosely because people will quickly find you unbearable and smug otherwise.
“That’s Just the Way I Am.”
This phrase is often used to justify behavior that others find difficult to tolerate. It suggests an unwillingness to change or improve, which can be frustrating for those around you because, in reality, everyone should be open to growth and compromise.
“I’m Too Busy.”
Everyone has a full schedule, but repeatedly claiming to be “too busy” can come off as a polite way of saying that someone or something isn’t worth your time. It can make others feel undervalued or ignored because, ultimately, everyone has time to stay in touch, even if it’s just through a quick message.
“You Don’t Understand.”
This phrase can be alienating, as it suggests that the other person is incapable of grasping your perspective or situation. It can shut down communication and make others feel inadequate or even make you look unbearably smug and overconfident in your intelligence.
“It’s Not Fair.”
There’s no denying that life isn’t always fair, but complaining about fairness can make you seem childish or self-centered. Constantly pointing out unfairness can be tiresome for those around you, so rather than focusing on perceived injustices, try to find constructive ways to address the situation or adapt to the circumstances.
“I Can’t Help It.”
Much like “That’s just the way I am,” using this phrase to excuse behavior implies a lack of control or responsibility. It can frustrate others, especially if your actions negatively affect them because everyone has free will. Take ownership of your actions and make an effort to change or improve them, taking your attitude from unbearable to mature.
“This Is How It’s Always Been Done.”
Resistance to change can make you seem inflexible and closed-minded, so insisting on doing things “the way they’ve always been done” can stifle creativity and progress. It’s not always easy, but try to be open to new ideas and approaches; people will love this, showing that you’re open-minded.
“You Should Smile More.”
It’s very unkind to tell someone that they “should smile more” because while this may seem like harmless advice, it will no doubt come across as condescending and intrusive. Telling someone how they should express their emotions can feel controlling. Ultimately, everyone has the right to their own feelings and expressions, and it’s better to focus on positive interactions rather than dictating behavior.
“I Don’t Care.”
Expressing apathy can be a real conversation killer. Saying “I don’t care” suggests that the topic or person isn’t worth your attention, which can hurt relationships. If you use this statement regularly, don’t be surprised when people treat you like a child who is unbearable to be around.
“That’s Not My Job.”
No boss or colleague will ever be impressed by hearing you say, “That’s not my job,” as it signals a complete lack of teamwork and can make you seem uncooperative. While it’s important to have boundaries, flatly refusing to help because something isn’t in your job description can create tension in professional settings. Try to be helpful when possible, and it will do wonders for your reputation.
“I Don’t Have Time for This.”
When you tell someone you don’t have time for something, this can make them feel like their needs or concerns are unimportant. It’s a dismissive way to end a conversation and can damage relationships. If you’re genuinely pressed for time, it’s better to suggest a later time to discuss the matter fully.
“You’re Being Too Sensitive.”
Finally, it’s never smart to label someone as “too sensitive” as this will minimize their feelings and can make them feel invalidated. It’s a way of dismissing their emotions rather than addressing the issue at hand, and if you do this regularly, people will find you unbearable and won’t express themselves to you anymore.