It should go without saying that friendships are meant to bring joy, support, and connection, but this isn’t always possible. Sometimes, they can turn into sources of stress and negativity, at which point you should really let them go. To help you recognize when this is the case and how to move on, this list documents the many signs that you’re holding onto a toxic friendship.
There’s Always an Imbalance of Giving and Taking
Have you ever noticed that your friend constantly expects your support, time, or favors but rarely reciprocates? If so, watch out–this is a serious red flag. As RoseColoredGlasses outlines, friendships should be a two-way street, with mutual care and effort. So, when you find yourself giving endlessly without receiving anything in return, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
You Feel Undermined Instead of Encouraged
A friend should be someone who celebrates your successes and offers encouragement during tough times. However, some toxic friends will attempt to belittle your achievements or make you feel small, perhaps in an act of jealousy. Ultimately, this is a sign that they might be more interested in competing with you than supporting you, so you really don’t need them in your life.
Conversations Leave You Feeling Drained
When you spend time with a friend, you should leave the situation feeling refreshed, not exhausted. Therefore, if you find yourself feeling emotionally drained, anxious, or depleted after hanging out with them, something’s not right. Clearly, their presence is more of a burden than a comfort, suggesting the friendship may be toxic.
Unreliable and Frequently Letting You Down
Trust and reliability form the foundations of any strong friendship, which means that if your friend constantly cancels plans, shows up late, or fails to be there when you need them, the relationship has become rocky. It’s a sign that they don’t value your time or the friendship as much as you do, so ask yourself–do you really want to continue spending time with this person?
Criticism and Judgment Are Constant
Constructive feedback in a friendship can be useful, albeit painful, but constant criticism is a whole other kettle of fish. Friends who regularly point out your flaws or judge your choices in a way that feels harsh or unnecessary clearly don’t have your best interest at heart. Over time, this will completely erode your self-esteem and create a toxic dynamic that’s harmful to your well-being, so it’s probably worth nipping the relationship in the bud.
Conversations Are Always One-Sided
Another sign that you’re holding onto a toxic friendship is if your friend always dominates conversations, talking endlessly about their problems and never showing interest in your life. This shows that they might be too self-centered to be a supportive friend, so it might be best to make them more of an acquaintance rather than someone to genuinely rely on.
Disrespect for Your Boundaries
Everyone has boundaries, and a true friend respects them, regardless of what they are. Whether it’s not showing up unannounced, respecting your need for alone time, or honoring personal space, if your friend consistently oversteps these boundaries despite your requests, it’s a clear sign of a toxic relationship. Have a stern talk with them, and if they continue disrespecting you, cut them off.
Jealousy of Your Other Relationships
A supportive friend should encourage your connections with others, but some might act possessively, trying to isolate you from other friends or becoming upset when you spend time with others. This is concerning behavior that indicates their insecurities and lack of respect for your autonomy, which can be quite toxic. You really shouldn’t tolerate that.
Guilt is a Frequent Tool They Use
No true friend will resort to guilt-tripping to get what they want, such as making you feel bad for not spending time with them or not doing them favors. This manipulation tactic is not only unfair but also emotionally draining, and it can make the friendship feel like a heavy burden. So, if you notice this in your friendship, it’s toxic, and you should probably end it.
No Interest in Celebrating Your Successes
As we briefly mentioned earlier, a good friend will rejoice in your successes and milestones, no matter how big or small. Meanwhile, some jealous friends might respond with indifference, belittlement, or general negativity when you share good news, showing that they don’t want the best for you. It should go without saying that you shouldn’t be spending so much time with someone like this.
Negativity and Pessimism Dominate Interactions
We all have down days, but if your friend is perpetually negative and pessimistic, it can start to weigh you down. This constant negativity can sap your energy and make it hard to maintain a positive outlook, turning what should be a supportive friendship into a toxic environment. Have a word with them to see if you can change their perspective, but if that doesn’t seem possible, let them go.
Blaming You for Their Problems
If your friend regularly blames you for their personal issues or makes you feel responsible for fixing their problems, it’s a sign of a toxic dynamic. A healthy friendship involves supporting each other without assigning blame or expecting one person to carry the emotional weight.
Quick to Anger or Overreaction
Friends should be able to communicate calmly and respectfully, even when there are disagreements. Therefore, a friend who frequently overreacts, gets angry easily or makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells isn’t a true friend at all. It’s a strong indicator that the relationship is more toxic than supportive, so stop holding onto it.
Endless Cycles of Drama
Everyone knows a drama queen, and they can be seriously exhausting, especially when it’s a constant part of a friendship. At the end of the day, some people just seem to thrive on drama, constantly dragging you into conflicts or crises. However, just because this is a part of their personality does not mean that you should be putting up with such chaos.
Time Is Not Valued
A friend who repeatedly wastes your time, shows up late or cancels at the last minute isn’t really a friend at all. It demonstrates a complete lack of respect for you and your schedule, showing that they don’t value your time as much as you value theirs. Ultimately, this makes the friendship feel one-sided, something that you shouldn’t be putting up with.
Competitiveness Over Support
Friendships are about lifting each other up, not competing to see who’s better, so if you notice that your friend constantly tries to outdo you, you have to ask yourself why that is. It might concern career achievements, social circles, or personal milestones; either way, it creates an unhealthy atmosphere of competition rather than mutual support, so speak to them about this to see if they’re willing to change.
Trust Issues and Betrayals
As we explained at the start of this article, trust is the foundation of any strong friendship. Therefore, when your friend regularly gossips about you or others or betrays your confidence, it’s a clear sign of a toxic dynamic. True friends respect your privacy and keep your secrets rather than using them as fodder for gossip. Sadly, this is a situation where second chances might not be appropriate.
Disregard for Your Feelings
Above all, any friend who dismisses your feelings, tells you that you’re overreacting, or minimizes your experiences clearly isn’t a true friend. This shows a complete lack of respect and empathy, along with a disregard for your emotions. That’s not healthy in the slightest, so it’s no doubt time to let go of such a toxic friendship.