It’s an awful fact of life that many of us experience painful trauma as a child, both emotional and physical. To add insult to injury, these traumatic experiences are usually carried with us subconsciously into our adult lives, leading to all sorts of concerning problems. Help is out there, though, so to encourage you to understand whether you need to seek support, this list investigates the signs that your childhood trauma is sabotaging your adult life.
Struggling with Trust
A lot of us have immense difficulty trusting others due to our unresolved trauma. This might concern personal relationships or professional settings; regardless, as Psych Central explains, this lack of trust tends to stem from past betrayals or instability. Building trust takes time and effort, but acknowledging this pattern is essential for healthier connections.
Fear of Abandonment
Another sign that your childhood trauma is controlling your adult life is if you feel a lingering fear of being abandoned or rejected. This fear causes you to cling too tightly to relationships or avoid them altogether, both of which can be detrimental to your social life. Ultimately, you’ll need to understand this fear and work through it if you want to move forward, so it might be worth speaking to a therapist.
Avoiding Emotional Intimacy
Similar to the last point, it’s very common to keep people at a distance or to avoid opening up to them emotionally due to past emotional trauma. In your mind, this avoidance protects you from further threats, but in reality, it prevents meaningful connections. Sadly, this is a problem that can only be solved by social connection and professional support.
Difficulty Managing Emotions
If intense emotions feel overwhelming or out of control, childhood trauma might be a factor at play. Emotional regulation can be challenging when early experiences teach you to suppress or ignore your feelings. Developing healthy coping mechanisms and emotional awareness can help you better manage and understand your reactions, so don’t feel hopeless.
People-Pleasing Tendencies
A lot of people who suffer from childhood trauma will constantly seek approval or put others’ needs before their own. This behavior usually stems from a need for validation or a fear of conflict, so it’s very important to learn to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being if you want to break free from such people-pleasing patterns.
Fear of Failure
If you experience a paralyzing fear of failure, this could probably be traced back to childhood pressures or criticisms. This fear can prevent you from taking risks or pursuing goals, keeping you stuck in a comfort zone. Nobody wants that, so try to start embracing failure as a learning opportunity rather than a reflection of self-worth.
Difficulty Saying No
Another sign that your childhood trauma is getting in the way of your adult life is if saying no feels impossible or guilt-inducing. This indicates that, in the past, your boundaries were not respected. However, it’s never too late to change this; start practicing assertiveness and setting clear limits, and you’ll be reinforcing your sense of control and respect before you know it.
Hypervigilance
Do you find yourself constantly being on edge or excessively alert to potential threats? If so, this might be a lasting effect of childhood trauma. This hypervigilance can serve as a protective mechanism but with the side effects of immense anxiety and exhaustion. One way to combat this is to develop relaxation techniques and practice mindfulness, both of which will help reduce the intensity of this hypervigilant response.
Struggling with Self-Worth
Low self-esteem or persistent feelings of inadequacy may have roots in childhood trauma. Negative messages received early in life can linger, affecting your self-perception and confidence. Work hard on being more self-compassionate and challenging negative self-talk, though, and you’ll eventually be able to improve your sense of worth and overall well-being.
Difficulty Relaxing
It’s common for trauma victims to suffer from an inability to relax, constantly feeling the need to stay busy. This restlessness may be an attempt to avoid uncomfortable feelings or memories, blocking them out by keeping the mind active. This might seem healthy at the time, but it’s really not, so you need to learn to slow down, be present, and find comfort in stillness to help ease the grip of past experiences.
Avoidance of Conflict
If you find yourself avoiding conflict at all costs, it might be a coping mechanism developed from past trauma. Conflict avoidance can lead to unaddressed issues and resentment in relationships, allowing other people to walk all over you.
Overreacting to Criticism
You’d be surprised at how common it is for people to feel deeply wounded or defensive when criticized, a highly common symptom of trauma. For example, early experiences of harsh judgment can make adult criticism feel threatening. Ultimately, the answer is separating your self-worth from others’ opinions and viewing feedback as an opportunity for growth, although admittedly, that’s easier said than done.
Constant Need for Control
Tragically, a strong need to control every aspect of your life might stem from childhood environments where you felt powerless. While control can provide a sense of security, it can also lead to stress and rigidity, but this can be combated by attempting to be more flexible and letting go of the need for perfection.
Perfectionism
Speaking of perfectionism, this common mental flaw can often be rooted in a desire to prove your worth or avoid criticism, rooted in childhood trauma. This relentless pursuit will only lead to burnout and dissatisfaction, as nothing will ever feel good enough. Try to embrace your imperfections and set yourself realistic expectations, and you’ll soon find more balance and reduce the pressure you place on yourself.
Reluctance to Ask for Help
Do you find it difficult to ask for assistance from someone, or maybe you rely solely on yourself for just about everything? If so, this may reflect past experiences of being let down. It may seem resilient, but in reality, such extreme self-reliance can be destructive, preventing you from collaborating or seeking assistance from others. If you really struggle with this, consider seeking therapy, as it will help you regain trust in other people.
Overly Critical of Yourself
Above all, it’s terribly common for childhood trauma victims to be their own harshest critics. This inner dialogue often mirrors negative messages received in early life, often from parents or teachers. Ultimately, the only way to fight this is through self-love and kindness, which will challenge these harsh thoughts and eventually help you build a more supportive relationship with yourself.