Everyone wants to have friends in life, but you should be careful not to fall into a false sense of security with the people with whom you spend your time. Sadly, not every “friend” is authentic; in fact, they may even be going behind your back or using you. So that you can avoid hanging around such people, here is a list of subtle signs that your “friends” are actually frenemies.
Giving Backhanded Compliments
Sadly, some inauthentic friends will give out compliments that are disguised as criticisms, revealing their underlying resentment for you. They may say something like, “You look great for your age,” which sounds positive but has a subtle sting. To combat such nasty behavior, Verywell Mind recommends focusing on the compliment and disregarding the negative dig, disarming their attempts to belittle you.
Gossiping Behind Your Back
It’s all too common for fake friends to talk behind their “friends’” backs or share their secrets, which is awfully unfair. As we’re sure you’re aware, trust is crucial in any friendship, yet this behavior shows a blatant disregard for your privacy, as well as a lot of insecurity on their part. True friends respect your privacy, while frenemies use your information for their own gain or entertainment.
Competing Constantly
Another subtle sign that your “friends” are actually frenemies is when they compete with you all the time. Friendly competition is normal, but when it turns into a constant battle, it can signal something deeper going on. They’ll feel the need to one-up you all the time in achievements, appearance, or social status, and this relentless need to outdo you suggests their insecurity and lack of genuine support.
Disappearing During Your Successes
Have you ever noticed that your friend seems to struggle to be happy for you when you’re doing well? Perhaps your successes are met with silence, or the “friend” vanishes completely when things are going right for you. Ultimately, this indicates jealousy; true friends celebrate your victories, big or small, while frenemies are uncomfortable with your achievements.
Only Reaching Out When They Need Something
Friends who only contact you when they need a favor or support aren’t really friends at all. This behavior indicates that they’re more interested in what you can do for them than in being a reciprocal friend. Relationships based on convenience rather than mutual care are rarely genuine, so be careful around such people.
Undermining Your Confidence
Subtle put-downs or dismissive comments about your abilities can chip away at your self-esteem, yet frenemies often use these tactics to keep you feeling unsure or dependent. Instead of lifting you up, they sow doubt and insecurity, making it clear that they’re not truly in your corner.
Feeling Jealous of Your Other Relationships
If you notice a friend who feels threatened by your other friendships, watch out, as they may not have your best interests at heart. This jealousy can lead to possessive or manipulative behavior designed to keep you from others. In contrast, healthy friendships allow room for multiple connections, so this person clearly isn’t someone you should be spending time with.
Being Negative Around You Constantly
Nobody likes to be surrounded by constant negativity, regardless of whether it’s about their own life or someone else. Despite this, a frenemy may focus on the downside of any situation, making everyone feel worse instead of offering support or positivity. This persistent negativity suggests they’re not truly rooting for their friends’ happiness or success, which is actually rather sad.
Breaking Promises Regularly
Be careful trusting “friends” who consistently break promises. They might overcommit and underdeliver, leaving you disappointed, which really isn’t cool. It shows they’re unreliable and more interested in maintaining appearances than genuinely supporting you when it matters, so have a quiet word with them, and if they don’t change, perhaps it’s time you moved on.
Stirring Up Drama
Unfortunately, fake friends often thrive on creating or perpetuating drama, stirring up conflict, and exaggerating issues for their own sick satisfaction. They won’t be interested in helping to settle an argument and keep peace; they love chaos, which you really don’t want in your social circle.
Quick to Judge Your Choices
Frenemies often judge your choices harshly, including about your career, relationships, or personal decisions. This judgmental attitude can make you feel unsupported and criticized rather than encouraged, whereas true friends will offer constructive feedback when needed.
Downplaying Your Problems
Just like how they minimize your achievements, bad friends will also minimize your struggles, acting like your problems aren’t significant. Such behavior shows a lack of empathy and suggests that they’re not interested in being a supportive friend, whereas genuine friends will validate your experiences and offer you support.
Making Everything About Themselves
Have you ever noticed that your friend always circles conversations back to them, regardless of the topic? This is a clear signal of self-centeredness; they’ll try to monopolize discussions, showing little interest in your thoughts or experiences, demonstrating that they value their own narratives over a balanced, reciprocal exchange.
Using Your Vulnerabilities Against You
Believe it or not, some fake friends will share your vulnerabilities with others to use them against you, exploiting your trust. For example, they might bring up past insecurities during disagreements or use your weaknesses to their advantage, showing signs of manipulation that demonstrate that they just don’t have your best interests at heart.
Not Being There When You Need Support
Perhaps unsurprisingly, frenemies often fall short when you truly need support. Whether it’s during a crisis or simply when you need a listening ear, their absence speaks volumes. Genuine friends show up consistently, while frenemies make excuses or simply disappear.
Smiling at Your Struggles
It sounds awful, but inauthentic friends might even show a subtle smirk or a poorly disguised sense of satisfaction when you’re down. Instead of offering support, they may seem to relish your difficulties, highlighting their competitive nature and discomfort with your successes. Trust us–you don’t need such a person in your life.
Acting Differently Around Others
Inconsistent behavior, especially when other people are around, can be another sign of a frenemy. They might be supportive in private but critical or dismissive in a group setting. Such a shift in behavior suggests they’re more concerned with appearances or aligning with others than being a true friend, which should certainly raise your suspicions.
Taking Credit for Your Ideas
Finally, if you notice that a friend claims your ideas as their own or fails to acknowledge your contributions, this can be a subtle but telling sign that they’re not a real friend but a frenemy. They’ll seek validation and recognition, even if it means you don’t get recognized for your own achievements.