Honesty is crucial in a healthy relationship, as we know, but some truths are better left unsaid. Oversharing can lead to hurt feelings and unnecessary conflict, so if you’re wondering how to play it right, here’s our guide to the things you should think twice about before sharing with your significant other.
“Your cooking isn’t as good as my mum’s.”
Telling your partner their cooking doesn’t measure up to your mum’s might seem like a harmless observation, but it can sting more than you think. Even if you mean it as a nostalgic nod to your childhood, it carries the unspoken message that their effort in the kitchen isn’t good enough.
“That outfit doesn’t suit you.”
Style is so personal, and most people choose what they wear because it makes them feel good or expresses something about who they are. Critiquing that can feel like a rejection of their identity, even if that wasn’t your intention, so if you truly feel like you need to say something, frame it as a gentle suggestion.
“I wish you were more like [name].”
It’s a slippery slope when you compare the person you’re in a relationship with to someone else, whether it’s a friend, a colleague, or even a fictional character. While it might seem innocent enough to say you admire something about another person, it can make your other half feel like they’re falling short—and no one wants to feel like they’re competing.
“I lied about [something small] at the start of our relationship.”
What seems minor to you now might make your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse question your honesty on larger issues; after all, trust is a delicate balance, and even the tiniest cracks can cause worry. If it’s something inconsequential that hasn’t come up since, ask yourself if sharing it now adds value or just creates doubt.
“I find [someone else] really attractive.”
Attraction to others is natural, but sharing it with your partner is a risky move because they might begin to wonder if you’re comparing them to others or, worse, if they’re not enough for you. You should focus on building the confidence of the person you’ve chosen to be in a relationship with.
“I don’t like your family.”
We know that sometimes the family of the person you love can be difficult, but critiquing them openly can be one of the fastest ways to create friction in your relationship. Families are often a sensitive subject, even if your partner has their own frustrations with them, so they might feel caught in the middle.
“You’re just like your [parent or sibling].”
Speaking of family: comparisons can be tricky, especially if the individual you’re settling down with has a complicated relationship with the person you’re mentioning, even if you mean it positively. They might take it as criticism, especially if they’ve worked hard to distinguish themselves from that particular relative.
“Do you really need that second helping?”
Food is deeply personal, tied to emotions, habits, and even self-image, so your offhand remark might stay with them far longer than you intended and make them self-conscious. If you’re genuinely concerned about their health, focus on promoting positive habits together, like trying new recipes or being active.
“I hated that gift you gave me.”
Your loved one likely spent time, energy, and thought selecting a gift for you, so expressing that you didn’t like it can feel like a rejection of their effort. Even if the gift wasn’t exactly what you hoped for, it’s better to focus on their intention rather than the result; instead of criticising, think about the meaning behind the gesture.
“You’re overreacting.”
Everyone processes situations differently, and what seems small to you might feel enormous to them, so try asking questions to understand where they’re coming from. Phrases like “I see you’re upset—can we talk about it?” go much further than just brushing them off.
“I miss being single sometimes.”
Even if you’ve thought about it from time to time, admitting to longing for your single days, even fleetingly, can plant seeds of doubt in your partner’s mind. They might wonder if they’re holding you back or if you’d prefer a life without them in it rather than simply just needing more independence.
“I didn’t think this relationship would last.”
Sure, you might think it’s funny or harmless to admit that you had doubts early on, but those you’re in a relationship with could see it very differently and begin to question everything. If you want to share your growth as a couple, frame it positively, like saying, “I’m so glad we’ve come so far together,” rather than dredging up past uncertainties.
“My ex did this better.”
Nothing shuts down a conversation or damages trust faster than comparing your lover to an ex, even if your comment is meant to be constructive. Relationships are unique, and there’s no need to drag comparisons into them when you should instead be focusing on what your partner does right.
“You’re not as [adjective] as you used to be.”
Relationships require adapting to changes rather than holding on to the past, so you should try to avoid pointing out how the person you’re with has changed in a way that feels negative. Switch to celebrating the positive aspects of who they’ve become, and if there’s something you miss, say, “I’d love to do that again together—it was always so fun.”
“We don’t need to celebrate [anniversary, holiday, etc.].”
Downplaying an event that’s meaningful to your other half can make them feel unimportant or like their joy isn’t shared, regardless of whether you personally don’t care much about anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays. As one part of a couple, showing enthusiasm for their sake can go a long way.
“I wouldn’t have done that.”
If you point out what you would’ve done differently in a situation, it can feel like a subtle way of saying, “You made a mistake.” Whether it’s about handling finances, dealing with a conflict, or making a life choice, your loved one needs your support, not your hindsight critique.
“You’re too sensitive.”
Lastly, sensitivity isn’t a flaw; it’s often a sign of how deeply someone feels and cares, so if you think their reaction is bigger than the situation calls for, take a step back and ask questions to understand their perspective better. Offering validation, even when you don’t fully get it, can help you both deal with emotional situations in a better way.