Romantic films and societal expectations can often blur the line between genuine affection and troubling behaviors. It’s easy to mistake certain actions as sweet or loving when, in reality, they might be warning signs. If you’ve been questioning a comment or action that doesn’t sit right with you, this list explores several so-called “romantic” gestures that may actually be red flags to watch out for.
Public Displays of Affection to Mark Territory
While PDA can be romantic and innocent, some people also use it as a way to show others that you are “taken.” This can easily start to feel uncomfortable and disrespectful, especially when you’ve made it clear that the public affection is too much for you.
Disparaging Exes Constantly
It can feel somewhat flattering and reassuring when your partner implies that you are “better” than their ex in some way. However, when they constantly talk about their ex’s issues without talking about their role in the relationship, this can be a sign that they are immature, disrespectful, and do not take accountability for their own actions.
Monitoring Your Social Media Activity
To some, it may initially seem somewhat sweet when their partner checks in on their social media activity and what they’re up to. But when they begin excessively questioning you about your interactions or acting overly jealous and controlling, this can be a red flag that they have trust issues and controlling tendencies.
Pushing for Shared Accounts Too Soon
Your partner’s desire for a shared account may make you feel like they are committed to you and the relationship. However, wanting to share an account too early in the relationship can be a sign that they want to control your finances and make it harder to end things in the future.
Isolating You from Your Support System
An “us against the world” mentality may seem sweet and romantic, but it can also be used to isolate you from your friends and family and gain more control over your life. If it feels like your relationship is slowly causing you to spend less and less time with your support system, you may want to reconsider things.
Love Bombing
According to the Cleveland Clinic, love bombing is a form of emotional and psychological abuse often used to manipulate you into a relationship. While it may initially feel nice to be overloaded with affection and praise, if it feels excessive and uncomfortable, it’s important to set boundaries or end the relationship to preserve your well-being.
Insisting You Don’t Need Boundaries Between Each Other
An insistence that you and your partner don’t need boundaries is usually a significant red flag. Even if you feel like you’re naturally on the same wavelength, it’s very important to use boundaries to make sure you are getting your needs met and respected.
Making Decisions for You
It can feel romantic when your partner takes the initiative to take charge and act on your behalf. However, when they do so without asking you or understanding your true desires, this can be a sign of controlling behavior and a lack of respect.
Insistence on Using Pet Names Exclusively
Pet names can be cute and romantic. But if your partner insists on completely replacing your name with pet names whether you like it or not, this can be a sign that they want to gain a sense of control over you and diminish your personal identity outside of the relationship.
Making All Plans Without Your Input
Some people enjoy it when their boyfriend or girlfriend makes spontaneous and romantic plans. However, if this is a constant behavior and you have made it clear that you want to be informed in advance, this can become controlling and prevent you from having enough autonomy over your own life.
Guilt-Tripping You for Spending Time with Others
If your partner is always expressing disappointment or jealousy over the fact that you’re choosing to spend time with others, this can be a major red flag. It is important that you maintain your relationships with friends and family, and it is toxic for someone to make you feel guilty for doing so.
Buying Expensive Gifts After Arguments
It can be a sign of toxicity if you have frequent, intense arguments and then your partner buys expensive gifts as a way to apologize. While it may seem like a nice gesture, it is more important for them to communicate and verbally apologize instead of attempting to win you over with material things.
Frequently Showing Up Unannounced
Some people don’t mind it when their partner makes a surprise visit. However, if this behavior is frequent and unwelcome, it can quickly begin to feel disrespectful and like an invasion of privacy. One Love Foundation even warns that it can be an early sign of stalking.
Pressuring You to Change Your Appearance
We all have our preferences, and it’s okay to voice them. But if your partner is always suggesting or insisting that you change things about your body, hair, or clothes, this can be a sign that they are attempting to gain more control over you and diminish your sense of identity outside of the relationship.
Overwhelming You with Gifts Early On
It’s always nice to receive gifts. However, bombarding someone with gifts right out of the gate can be a tactic to quickly win them over without building a real connection. According to Business Insider, it can also be a form of love bombing, making you feel an unfair sense of obligation or indebtedness. For this reason, it’s important to speak up if you’re uncomfortable with being given too many gifts too early on.
Insisting on Constant Communication
While it may seem sweet and innocent enough when your lover is constantly vying for your time and attention, it can quickly become toxic or controlling. It is important to respect your partner’s personal space and obligations with other friends and family members.
Rushing the Relationship
You should never be pressured into rushing the relationship or making big commitments soon after getting to know someone. This can be an indication that the person wants to control you or is not being completely honest about their intentions.
Extreme Jealousy Masked as Devotion
Everyone feels jealous sometimes, and that’s okay. But if your date is acting extremely jealous and claiming it’s just because they care, this can be a big red flag. If you’re starting to feel controlled and guilty over innocent actions, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.