It’s all too easy on a first date to let nerves or bad habits creep in and ruin the moment, so to help you stay on the right track, here’s a guide to what not to do when meeting someone for the first time, hoping to hit it off.
Arriving Late (Without a Good Reason)
Being late to a first date might not seem like a huge deal, but it can send all the wrong signals, as it gives the impression that their time isn’t as valuable as yours or, worse, that you don’t care enough to make an effort.
Of course, life happens—sometimes trains are delayed, or traffic’s a nightmare—but if you’re running behind, the least you can do is send a quick message explaining the situation.
Talking About Your Ex Too Much
A passing mention of an ex is fine—it’s part of your story—but repeatedly steering the conversation back to them is an easy way to make your date feel uncomfortable. No one wants to feel like they’re competing with someone from your past, especially on what’s supposed to be a fresh start.
Being Glued to Your Phone
Few things kill the vibe on a first date faster than someone endlessly checking their phone, scrolling through social media or texting friends, and it sends the message—excuse the pun—that your date isn’t worth your full attention.
Put your phone on silent, tuck it away in your bag or pocket, and engage fully with the person in front of you.
Ordering the Most Expensive Items
While it’s great to treat yourself, going straight for the lobster or the priciest bottle of wine on the menu can make things awkward, especially if your date is footing the bill. It might seem like you’re trying to take advantage or aren’t considering their budget; instead, pick something mid-range that you’ll enjoy without putting unnecessary pressure on your companion.
Complaining Excessively
We all have things we’d rather not deal with—bad days at work, rude colleagues, or that neighbour who keeps parking in your spot—but turning your first date into a therapy session is never a good idea. While sharing a few light anecdotes is fine, bombarding your date with endless rants and complaints can create a heavy, draining atmosphere.
Oversharing Personal Details
Let your stories unfold naturally over time instead of laying everything bare right from the start, even though it’s natural to want to share pieces of yourself on a first date. There’s a fine line between being open and oversharing, so going into graphic detail about your childhood traumas or financial struggles can overwhelm the other person.
Talking About Marriage or Kids Too Soon
These topics can put unnecessary pressure on the other person, making them question whether you’re really interested in them or just looking for someone to fit into a predetermined plan. Instead, focus on the present: ask about their hobbies, favourite music, or recent travels, and let the conversation flow naturally.
Flirting with Others
There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone whose eyes keep wandering to everyone else in the room. Even if you think you’re being subtle, your date is bound to notice, and it’ll leave them feeling undervalued, while first dates are all about showing your interest and respect for the person sitting across from you.
Being Rude to Wait Staff
How you treat service staff says a lot about your character, therefore if you’re dismissive, rude, or impatient, your date will almost certainly take note, and not in a good way, so make sure to say “please” and “thank you.”
Kindness and patience show that you’re a considerate person, which is far more appealing than any fancy outfit or impressive career.
Interrupting Constantly
A well-balanced conversation flows easily and allows both people to feel heard and valued. No one enjoys a conversation where they can’t get a word in edgeways, which means interrupting your date not only cuts them off mid-thought but also gives the impression that what you have to say is more important than their input.
Overindulging in Alcohol
Some people need a little courage for a first date, right? And while sharing a drink or two can help ease first-date jitters, it’s important to know your limits, as overindulging might lead to embarrassing behaviour, inappropriate comments, or worse, and could leave a lasting negative impression.
Dressing Inappropriately
Choosing the right outfit for a first date can be tricky, yet putting in the effort is worth it, compared to showing up in scruffy clothes or attire that doesn’t suit the setting—this can signal that you’re not taking things seriously. On the flip side, overdressing for a casual meet-up might feel equally off, so aim for something that feels polished yet comfortable.
Bragging Too Much
Confidence is attractive—spending the entire date talking about your achievements, expensive possessions, or high-powered job is not. Instead, let your personality shine through and give your date space to share their own experiences, while staying humble.
Not Asking Questions
Taking the time to ask thoughtful questions about their interests, career, or family not only keeps the conversation balanced but also shows that you’re genuinely curious about them. Active listening and responding with follow-up questions can help build rapport and make the experience enjoyable for both of you.
Focusing on Work Too Much
While it’s fine to talk about your job briefly, balance it out by exploring lighter topics like hobbies, travel, or favourite TV shows. Dates are meant to be a break from the daily grind, so make the most of the opportunity to escape the office chatter.
Being Overly Critical
If you want to sour the mood, criticise everything, including the choice of venue that fits your date’s taste in music. Even if something doesn’t quite match your preferences, try to keep an open mind and focus on the positives; constructive feedback is one thing, but nitpicking and negativity can make you seem difficult to please.
Money Talk
Focus on shared experiences and light-hearted conversations that help build a connection as an alternative to bringing up money matters because doing so on a first date can come across as tacky or even invasive. Be sure not to brag about how much you earn or complain about your financial struggles.
Avoiding Eye Contact
Eye contact is a powerful way to show interest and build trust, but avoiding it can make you seem shy, distracted, or disinterested. It’s okay to glance away occasionally, but making an effort to maintain steady, natural eye contact shows that you’re fully present. A warm smile and attentive gaze can work wonders for creating a genuine connection.
Ignoring Basic Etiquette
Sometimes, it’s the little things that make the biggest difference. Forgetting to say “please” or “thank you,” chewing with your mouth open, or failing to hold the door for your date can leave a bad impression, and remember: good manners never go out of style and can show that you’re someone worth seeing again.
Expecting Too Much
First dates are about exploring possibilities, not ticking off a checklist, therefore, going in with rigid expectations or preconceived notions can set you up for disappointment. It’s much better to keep an open mind and enjoy the experience for what it is—a chance to get to know someone new.