As our parents get older, they often become more sensitive to the words and attitudes of those around them—especially their own children. Even with the best intentions, some remarks can unintentionally hurt or alienate them. To help you avoid any awkward conversations, we’ve collected 19 things you should avoid saying.
“You’ve already told me this story.”
It’s easy to tune out or interrupt when you hear a familiar story for the tenth time, but doing so can make your parents feel like they’re being dismissed. For them, sharing these stories is often about reliving cherished memories or feeling a sense of connection; after all, one day, you might wish to hear these stories again.
“You don’t understand how things work these days.”
This kind of remark might come from a place of frustration when you’re trying to explain new technology or trends, but to your older family members, it can sound condescending. It implies they’re out of touch, when you should show patience and excitement when explaining new things.
“You shouldn’t be living alone anymore.”
Bringing up concerns about their living situation can feel like an attack on their independence, something most older adults value deeply. While your intentions may be good, phrasing it this way can make them feel like you see them as incapable.
“Why can’t you keep up?”
If you’re walking ahead or rushing through an activity, it might be frustrating when your mum or dad falls behind, but pointing it out this way only highlights their limitations. Instead, slow down and adjust your pace to match theirs without making a fuss.
“That’s not how we do things now.”
It’s true that the world has changed in many ways, but dismissing the habits of the older generation can make them feel irrelevant. Maybe they prefer phone calls to text messages—that doesn’t mean they’re wrong, just different.
“You’re too old for that.”
This comment might seem harmless, but it can feel crushing when your parents are excited about trying something new; age doesn’t have to dictate what someone can or cannot do, and discouraging them might make them feel boxed in by their years. Whether it’s taking a class, starting a hobby, or even dating again, support their enthusiasm.
“Stop being so stubborn.”
It’s natural to feel exasperated when your mum or dad insists on doing something their way, even when it seems impractical, but labelling them as stubborn can shut down meaningful dialogue. Try to understand where they’re coming from—it could be fear, habit, or a strong sense of pride.
“You don’t need that anymore.”
Whether it’s a cherished piece of furniture or a hobby they no longer seem to practice, telling your parents they don’t need something can feel like you’re undermining their choices. Remember, the things they hold onto often carry sentimental value or provide comfort.
“You’re so forgetful these days.”
We all forget things from time to time, but pointing out an older person’s memory slips can make them feel embarrassed or self-conscious. Instead of framing it as a problem, offer gentle reminders or systems to help, and if you’re genuinely worried about their memory, approach the subject with care.
“You’re lucky you’re even alive at your age.”
Ageing is already a sensitive subject for many people, and comments like this only draw attention to their mortality. Instead, focus on celebrating their health, achievements, or the things they enjoy, as highlighting what makes their life meaningful will leave a much more positive impression.
“Why are you so slow at that?”
Tasks that seem simple to you might take longer for your parents, and pointing it out this way can feel demeaning. Your patience and kindness can make them feel supported rather than judged, and remember, it’s not a competition.
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
When a mother or father voices concerns, brushing them off might seem like the easiest way to reassure them, but it can make them feel dismissed. Even if the issue seems small to you, it’s important to listen and acknowledge their feelings.
“That’s not a good look for you.”
Comments about their appearance, even well-meaning ones, can hurt their confidence. If they’re wearing something that doesn’t suit your taste or experimenting with a new style, try to see the effort they’re putting in; compliment what you do like, or offer suggestions in a kind, constructive way.
“You can’t do that anymore.”
Hearing this can be discouraging, especially if it’s about something they love. Whether it’s driving, gardening, or travelling, phrasing it this way makes them feel like their abilities are fading, when instead, you could focus on finding alternatives.
“You’re embarrassing me.”
Your parents might not even realise their behaviour is bothering you, and shaming them in the moment only deepens the hurt. If something truly needs to be addressed, bring it up later in a calm, private conversation.
“Why do you care about that?”
Whether they’re worried about a neighbour’s health or excited about a local event, take the time to show interest. Ask questions and engage with them—it’s an easy way to show you care, and you might even find that their interests bring you closer together.
“You’re being dramatic.”
Older people may express their feelings more openly, whether it’s frustration about a health issue or anxiety about a situation. Labelling their emotions as dramatic can make them feel dismissed and unimportant, and often, just knowing someone is there to listen makes them feel less overwhelmed.
“You’re not as young as you think.”
Reminding your parents of their age in a negative way can feel hurtful and unnecessary, especially if they’re taking on something ambitious, so instead cheer them on or offer to help. They already know their limits better than anyone else, and encouraging their youthful spirit helps them stay active.
“You need to act your age.”
And finally, this phrase can sting because it dismisses their individuality and implies they should conform to a stereotype of what “acting their age” looks like. Your parents are still the people they’ve always been, and they may enjoy activities, hobbies, or styles that others their age might not.