Emotional intelligence is a superpower that helps people get the best out of relationships, decision-making, and all life has to throw at you. Unlike IQ, it’s about how you understand and manage emotions, whether that’s yours or others’, and you can usually recognise an emotionally intelligent person because they will do the following things.
They Take Time to Reflect
For emotionally intelligent people, reflection is a necessity, so they will carve out time to process their thoughts and feelings, and might even journal at the end of the day to make better sense of it. This habit helps them unpack what’s really going on beneath the surface and prevents knee-jerk reactions.
Listening is About Understanding, Not Just Replying
Most people listen to respond, their minds racing ahead to prepare a counterpoint or a clever reply, whereas people with their emotions in check take a completely different approach; namely, they listen to truly understand what the other person is saying. They ask thoughtful questions, watch body language, and resist the urge to interrupt.
They Embrace Feedback
Constructive criticism is tough to hear, but those with high emotional intelligence see it as an invaluable tool for growth, therefore unlikely to jump to defend themselves or dismiss the feedback as an attack. Instead, they take a moment to digest it, and use it to improve.
Stress is Managed Proactively
Whether it’s practising mindfulness, hitting the gym, or sticking to a solid routine, these people know what works for them to best handle stress, and they stick to it. Stress is inevitable, but emotionally intelligent individuals refuse to let it take control, always one step ahead.
They Recognise Their Emotional Triggers
By recognising emotional triggers, certain people can pause and choose their responses rather than being controlled by them, a self-awareness that allows them to work through tricky situations with a level head. They’ve spent time figuring out what pushes their buttons, such as certain situations, or unresolved past experiences.
Empathy is a Prioritised Emotion
Empathy means stepping into another person’s shoes and seeing the world from their perspective, and emotionally intelligent people make this a priority in their relationships. They listen without judgment, ask questions to understand the other person’s feelings, and offer support in ways that truly resonate.
Remembering to Express Gratitude
Not taking the good things—or the good people—in their lives for granted is also a key trait of a person with high levels of intelligence when it comes to their emotions. Usually they will make an effort to acknowledge the positives, a habit that doesn’t just make others feel appreciated, but also helps them maintain a positive outlook.
They Set Healthy Boundaries
By setting healthy boundaries, you can make sure that you can give your best to the things that truly matter without burning out, which is why individuals who have a good understanding of their feelings will do it. In many situations, saying no isn’t selfish—it’s necessary to avoid stress and other negativity.
Easily Adapting to Change
A lot of people would baulk at the idea of change—it can be unsettling, after all—but emotionally intelligent people approach it with a can-do attitude instead of resisting it, and they’ll try to understand what’s changing and why. They reframe challenges as opportunities to learn or grow, and they adapt their plans as needed.
They Communicate Clearly and Kindly
When they need to address a problem, these people focus on the issue rather than attacking the person, and this thoughtful approach helps them resolve conflicts and build stronger connections. This could apply to situations both at work or in their personal lives, where they say what they mean in a more compassionate way.
Focusing on Solutions, Not Problems
Asking, “What can we do to move forward?” rather than getting stuck in the past is one way that those with high emotional intelligence will use their energy to find solutions. When faced with a challenge, emotionally intelligent people don’t dwell on what went wrong or who’s to blame, focusing on an optimistic mindset.
They Don’t Take Things Personally
If you think that everything is about you, and jump to the wrong conclusions, it’s usually a sign that you lack the emotional intelligence to understand the bigger picture; in contrast, those who have it will try to avoid assuming the worst and becoming short-tempered. For example, they might think of possible explanations, like the other person has had a bad day and it’s nothing personal.
The Success of Other is To Be Celebrated
Cheering on friends and supporting colleagues is nothing new to those who understand their emotions, and feeling envious or insecure when someone else succeeds just isn’t part of the way they think. Finding inspiration in others’ achievements creates an environment where everyone feels encouraged to do their best.
Letting Go of Grudges
Individuals with high emotional intelligence make a conscious effort to forgive, not because the other person necessarily deserves it, but because they value their own peace of mind. Holding onto resentment only weighs people down, and these people know this all too well.
They Stay Curious About People
Open-ended questions and showing genuine interest in different perspectives reveals a person who wants to stay curious, and it’s furthermore a sign of someone with a high understanding of their emotions. While it’s friendly, it’s also about expanding their understanding of the world.
Self-Compassion is a Common Practice
Emotional understanding doesn’t just mean when it comes to other people either, as being compassionate to yourself is just as important—which is why these people prioritise it. They know they’re not perfect, and they’re okay with that, resulting in never dwelling on failures if they make mistakes.
They Take Responsibility for Their Emotions
One of the biggest differences can be owning up to your emotions and taking responsibility for them when you have high levels of emotional intelligence compared to when you don’t. This sense of responsibility empowers them to handle even the most challenging circumstances with grace, and means they can better control how they respond.