Feeling uneasy in social settings can be challenging, but recognising the signs of social awkwardness is the first step toward change. Whether it’s struggling to start a conversation or feeling unsure about social norms, you’re not alone, so let’s dive into the common traits of social awkwardness and how you can overcome them to feel more confident.
You Often Feel Out of Place in Social Situations
Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt like you didn’t belong? Maybe everyone seems to know what to say or how to act, and you’re just there on the sidelines, but instead of worrying about fitting in, try observing what’s happening around you and look for moments where you can naturally join the conversation.
Small Talk Feels Exhausting
Let’s face it—small talk isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and for some, it can feel like pulling teeth, like when the thought of chatting about the weather or your weekend plans might seem pointless. But small talk isn’t just filler, it’s a bridge to deeper conversations, so try preparing a few go-to topics, like asking someone about their favourite restaurant or recent TV shows.
You Worry Excessively About Saying the Wrong Thing
Worrying about saying the wrong thing can make socialising feel like walking on eggshells. It’s important to remember that most people aren’t scrutinising your every word as much as you are, and when in doubt, stick to positive or neutral comments and remind yourself that a single awkward moment doesn’t define the entire interaction.
Finding It Hard to Read Social Cues
Understanding social cues—like knowing when someone’s bored or when it’s your turn to speak—can be tricky, and it might feel like everyone else just “gets it” while you’re left guessing. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry—social cues can be learned, and you can start by observing how people use body language, like nodding or leaning in when they’re interested.
Avoiding Eye Contact
A classic sign of social discomfort is avoiding eye contact, but it can send the wrong message because people might think you’re disinterested or hiding something when you’re just nervous. If direct eye contact feels too intense, try looking at the person’s forehead or the space between their eyes, and over time, you’ll likely find it easier to make brief, natural eye contact.
People Misinterpret Your Silence as Rudeness
Have you ever been told you seemed rude or distant, even though that wasn’t your intention? Silence can sometimes be misread, especially if you’re in a group where everyone else is chatting away, therefore to avoid this, try showing that you’re engaged in non-verbal ways, like nodding and smiling.
You Struggle to Initiate Conversations
Ask open-ended questions like “How did you get into your job?” or “What’s your favourite part of living here?” to try and get over the fear of starting a conversation. It’s easy to overthink and convince yourself that whatever you come up with will sound silly, but people love to talk about themselves, so showing interest makes you more approachable.
Your Jokes Often Fall Flat
If your humour isn’t landing, it might be because it’s too niche, too sarcastic, or just not matching the vibe of the group. Pay attention to the types of jokes others make and try to align with that tone, and don’t worry—everyone has jokes that fall flat sometimes, it’s all part of figuring out your social rhythm.
Group Settings Feel Overwhelming
Especially if it feels like everyone’s talking over each other or you don’t know where to jump in, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and end up staying silent in large group situations. To tackle this, you can focus on being a good listener; even a simple “I agree with that” can help you feel more involved.
You Overthink Past Interactions
Try to remind yourself that nobody else is likely analysing the conversation as deeply as you are—they’ve probably already moved on—and replaying conversations in your mind and agonising over what you could’ve done differently is a common habit of the socially awkward. While self-reflection can sometimes be helpful, overthinking often does more harm than good.
People Seem to Interrupt You Often
Speaking too quietly or hesitating too long before finishing your thought can be common reasons why people frequently interrupt you, which is why practising speaking clearly and confidently—even if you’re feeling nervous—can help you prevent interruptions in the future. Remember, what you have to say is important, so don’t shy away from it.
You Feel Uncomfortable with Physical Gestures Like Hugs
Not everyone feels comfortable with hugs, handshakes, or other forms of physical contact, and that’s okay. However, if you freeze up because you’re unsure how to respond, it might create awkward moments. The best way to handle this is to follow the other person’s lead; if they go in for a hug, you can return it briefly or offer a handshake instead.
Relying on Scripts in Conversations
Conversations aren’t tests—you don’t have to have all the answers ready in advance—nevertheless, you might find yourself rehearsing conversations in your head before they even happen. Having a plan can feel comforting, but sticking rigidly to a script often makes you seem unnatural.
Compliments Make You Uncomfortable
The simplest response to compliments is often the best: just say “thank you”, even if the compliment made you feel uncomfortable. Many people find compliments awkward because they don’t know how to handle them, therefor,e accepting a compliment with grace not only makes you feel good but also makes the other person feel appreciated.
You Have Trouble Keeping Conversations Going
Even for people who aren’t socially awkward, conversations can start off strong but fizzle out quickly, leaving them scrambling for what to say next, often happening because you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to be interesting. You should focus on asking follow-up questions or building on what the other person just said.
Awkward Pauses Are Common in Your Chats
Ah, the awkward pause, a short silence that can feel like an eternity. These moments don’t have to be uncomfortable, though, if you try making a neutral comment like, “That’s such a great point,” or even steering the conversation towards another topic.
You Prefer Texting Over Face-to-Face Talks
For many people, texting feels safer than face-to-face conversations because it gives you more time to think, but you should start practising with phone calls or short, casual conversations so that you don’t become too reliant on texting. Building your confidence in real-time exchanges can make texting feel like just one tool in your social toolkit.
Feedback on Your Social Skills Surprises You
Getting feedback like “You seemed upset” or “I thought you didn’t like me,” might have caught you off guard in the past, yet this could be a sign that your body language or tone is sending unintended signals. Take these moments as learning opportunities: ask trusted friends for feedback and work on aligning your words with your expressions.
You Struggle to Get Through Formal Socials
Finally, with a little preparation, you’ll feel more confident and able to enjoy yourself for formal events like weddings or work gatherings that would otherwise feel overwhelming. It’s hard when you’re unsure of the etiquette or expectations, which is why doing a bit of research into dress codes and conversation starters can help ease the pressure.