Selfishness isn’t always easy to spot when it’s in ourselves and not others, and surprisingly, everyday habits we have might seem perfectly harmless to us but come across as selfish. It’s not always intentional, but being aware of how certain actions come across can help avoid unnecessary friction, so here are the behaviours you should watch out for.
Ignoring Someone Mid-Conversation
Have you ever been in the middle of telling a story, only to realise the other person is looking at their phone, scanning the room, or just waiting for their turn to speak? Ignoring someone in the middle of a conversation can come across as a sign that you don’t value what they have to say if you’re always zoning out.
Leaving Messes for Others
Leaving a trail of dishes, clothes, or clutter behind you may seem minor, but to those who have to clean it up, it can feel like a big deal, especially if you’re in a shared flat or at the office. It sends the message that your time is more valuable than theirs, even if you don’t mean it that way.
Always Taking Credit
Maybe it’s at work, where a project had multiple contributors, or within a friendship group where everyone pitched in for a task; claiming the spotlight for yourself might seem harmless, but to others, it can feel like their hard work is being overlooked. Taking the time to acknowledge and appreciate everyone’s contributions will make others feel valued.
Only Talking About Yourself
We’ve all been in those conversations where one person dominates the entire dialogue, barely pausing to let anyone else get a word in. It might not even be intentional—sometimes we get carried away when we’re excited or venting—but when you rarely ask others about their lives or take interest in their stories, it can come off as self-absorbed.
Refusing to Compromise
When you refuse to budge on even the smallest preferences, it can make others feel like their needs or opinions don’t matter, and while standing your ground on important issues is sometimes necessary, being willing to meet halfway shows that you care about others’ feelings. Compromise doesn’t mean giving up what you want entirely—it’s about finding a solution that works for everyone.
Turning Down Help Without Explanation
While you might simply prefer doing things on your own or not want to inconvenience anyone, a lack of explanation can leave people feeling rejected or undervalued if you turn down their help without elaboration. Instead, a quick “I really appreciate the offer, but I’ve got this” can soften the refusal.
Being Chronically Late
Everyone runs late now and then—life happens—but when it becomes a habit, it starts to look a little selfish. Chronic tardiness can make people feel like their time isn’t important to you, especially if they’ve made the effort to be on time themselves.
Borrowing Without Returning
If you’re failing to return borrowed items or repay favours, it implies that you don’t appreciate the trust someone placed in you, and it can also make people reluctant to lend you anything in the future. Letting someone know you haven’t forgotten and are working on it is much better.
Cancelling Plans Last Minute
It’s not just about the time that others set aside for you—it’s also the effort they put into planning or getting excited about the meetup. Sp when you have to cancel, letting them know as soon as possible and suggesting a new date shows that you respect their time and genuinely want to stay connected.
Talking Over Others
Speaking over someone in a conversation can happen without you even realising it, especially if you’re passionate about a topic, but to the person on the receiving end, it can feel like you’re dismissing what they have to say. You should try pausing and actively listening before jumping in.
Taking More Than Your Fair Share
Whether it’s food at a party, resources in the office, or recognition in a group project, taking more than what’s fair can leave others feeling slighted. Even if you don’t mean to, this behaviour can come across as greedy or thoughtless, especially if you do it all the time.
Hogging Attention in Group Settings
We all enjoy a bit of attention now and then, but consistently steering the spotlight towards yourself in group settings can alienate others if you’re showing off. Sharing the spotlight and encouraging others to contribute doesn’t just make you more likeable, it will also create a more enjoyable atmosphere for everyone.
Dismissing Others’ Feelings
Even if your intentions are good, brushing off someone’s concerns can make them feel invalidated, when instead, taking the time to listen, empathise, and acknowledge their feelings—even if you don’t have a solution—can show that you care. Sometimes, just letting someone know their emotions are valid is all they need.
Always Expecting Special Treatment
Believing you deserve better service, special favours, or leniency—while not offering the same consideration to others—can come across as entitled, and this behaviour can frustrate those around you. Showing humility and treating everyone equally will help people to respect you, and to ensure you don’t come across as selfish.
Not Saying Thank You
A lack of gratitude, even for the smallest gestures, can make you seem unappreciative, even if it’s just someone holding the door for you. A simple “thank you” takes seconds but carries a lot of weight, and it lets people know you noticed their kindness.
Using Guilt to Get Your Way
Manipulating others with guilt is a tactic that might work short-term but almost always damages relationships in the long run, as you’ll end up with other people being resentful towards you. Being upfront about what you want, without resorting to guilt, is a much healthier way to be.