Experiencing abandonment, whether from a parent during childhood or a partner later in life, can have a profound impact on a person’s emotional well-being. These difficult experiences often leave lasting scars, influencing behavior and relationships in various ways. This article outlines a list of common characteristics displayed by individuals who struggle with abandonment issues.
Hard Time with Commitment
People who were abandoned by their partners often struggle to commit to a new partner. They don’t want to get hurt again, so they are reluctant to show signs of real commitment to anyone. For example, they don’t want to be the first to say, “I love you,” and they’re afraid to move in with their partner or get engaged.
Only Engage in Small Talk
A person with abandonment issues struggles to let others know how they really feel because they’re afraid of being left again. To avoid letting people get too close to them, they only engage in small talk. They don’t want to have heart-to-heart conversations with others in case they get let down.
Tendency to Be Shy
When one partner leaves, the person who was left behind suffers a great deal. This person is hurt emotionally and can become rather withdrawn. They might feel embarrassed by their current circumstances and, as a result, they become more shy and reserved when in public settings.
Often Indecisive
When someone is abandoned by their partner, they want to do everything in their power to prevent that from happening again. So, when they meet someone else who they are interested in, they hold back; they’re not sure whether they want to be with the person or not because they want to protect their feelings.
Lonely
Statistics from Cross River Therapy show that 33% of people are lonely. People who were abandoned by their partners whom they were with for many years will feel very lonely. This loneliness might cause them to quickly jump into a new relationship before they are ready for it. They do this because they don’t know how to be alone.
Engage in Mature Friendships
When a child is abandoned by their parents, they will often spend their adult lives looking for replacements. They might spend a lot of time with older friends who are about their parents’ age because they need to feel the love and care of someone who is like a father or a mother to them.
Self-Sufficient
People who were abandoned by those closest to them grow into very self-sufficient adults. They don’t rely on others to help them because they’ve never had anyone to support them and are used to getting along with things on their own. They are very independent.
Depression
According to the World Health Organization, “depression can happen to anyone. People who have lived through abuse, severe losses, or other stressful events are more likely to develop depression.” Yes, someone who was abandoned as a child is at greater risk of developing depression than someone who had a stable upbringing.
Need Others’ Approval
When someone is abandoned by those they love and who are closest to them, they spend their adult lives seeking approval from others. They need to hear from others that they are doing a good job because no one ever said that to them when they were growing up.
Over-Parenting
When a young person is abandoned by their parents, they suffer from feelings of worthlessness all their lives. They don’t want their children to go through what they went through, so they over-parent. They smother their children, so they never doubt their parents’ love for them.
Difficult to Forgive Others
A person who has abandonment issues often finds it difficult to forgive others. They are this way because they have been badly hurt and can’t understand why they had to suffer so much. They take it to heart when others fail them, and they find it difficult to move past that.
Substance Abuse
The National Institutes of Health says, “Early trauma exposure is well known to significantly increase the risk for a number of psychiatric disorders in adulthood, although many who had childhood trauma exposure are quite resilient.” A person with abandonment issues is more likely to abuse substances to relieve the pain.
Resentful
Being abandoned at a young age makes a person feel a lot of resentment when they get older. They might feel angry at the world because they were dealt a bad hand in life. This could make the person seem grumpy or harsh when, in reality, they’re hurting on the inside.
They Lose Trust in Others
If someone finds it very hard to trust others, even their friends, it may be because they have abandonment issues. Since they have been abandoned in the past, they find it very difficult to trust others now, and they are always suspicious of other people’s motives.
Bottle Up Emotions
Someone with abandonment issues might bottle up their feelings instead of sharing them. They do this because they don’t feel like they can trust anyone enough to be able to tell them how they feel. They are extremely cagey and don’t like talking about anything personal.
Low Self-Esteem
“Experiencing trauma can significantly impact your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Traumatic events can shatter your confidence, leaving you feeling vulnerable, powerless, and unworthy,” says Northside Psychology. Experiencing abandonment as a child can make a person think very little of themselves, even in their adult lives.
Put Up a Front
Some people who have abandonment issues put up a kind of front or wall that stops people from getting close to them. They do this because they don’t want to get hurt again, and to prevent this from happening, they refuse to let anyone get too close to them.
Revenge
Being abandoned as a child is a difficult trauma to get over. As an adult, this person might seek revenge for all the hurt they went through. If their parents try to get in touch with them as adults, they refuse to let them get close to them so they don’t experience the same hurt they went through as children.