With only a few months to go before I hit the big 4-0, I’ve decided to write down some of the things that I’ve just had enough of. Things that I really don’t care about anymore as they don’t improve my life or even make it better. Perhaps you’ve felt this way too? Here are my thoughts.
What People Think of Me
When I was younger, I spent way too much energy worrying about what others thought. I did it all through my teens, my 20s, and yes, even my 30s. Did I say the right thing? Did I come across okay? Now that I’m hitting 40, I’ve realised that most people are too busy worrying about themselves to spend much time judging me. And even if they do, so what? I’ve learned that the people who matter will stick around, and the rest aren’t worth the stress.
What Makes for a ‘Right’ Kind of Life
Society loves to push this idea of what a “perfect life” should look like: the big house, the perfect family, the high-paying job. But guess what? None of that matters if it doesn’t make you happy. I often feel like the third wheel around my friends who have kids because it’s ALL they want to talk about. Funnily enough, it’s as if my life is not ‘complete’ because I don’t have kids or a house with a picket fence. Instead, I run my own business and have the luxury of travelling the world whenever I want. Surely that’s a life worth living, too right?
Being Nice
If there’s one thing my partner and I have learned in the last year it’s that you don’t have to be nice to be a good person. Whenever we’ve had a problem, i.e. with our car or with our broadband, the only way we ever got a solution or a fix was to complain or escalate the issue. If you’re too nice, people walk all over you. So yes, I may say ‘no’ a bit more these days, but guess what, I’m actually getting stuff done!
Looking Good All the Time
In my 20s, I wouldn’t leave the house without my hair done, makeup on, and an outfit I’d overthought for an hour. Now? I’m perfectly fine running errands in sweatpants and a messy bun. I can’t even be bothered to check my face in the mirror sometimes. Life’s too short to worry about looking Instagram-ready every second. Feeling comfortable and confident beats obsessing over appearances any day.
Not Having ‘Enough Friends’
I live in London, and I probably have four good friends here? As much as I like to socialise, finding new friends is hard, and it takes a lot of effort to build long-lasting relationships. There was a time when my self-worth was tied to how many friends I had or how full my social calendar was. These days, I care more about quality than quantity. A small circle of people who truly get me is worth more than a hundred acquaintances. I don’t need a crowd to feel whole—I just need my people.
Missing Out
This is a big one. It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea that everyone else is living their best life while you’re sitting at home, but in reality, most people would probably prefer to be home, snuggled under a blanket watching TV. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that missing a party, a trip, or the latest trend isn’t the end of the world. If I’m happy where I am, I’m not really missing anything at all.
Impressing Strangers
There was a time when I’d go out of my way to appear impressive to people I didn’t even know. Isn’t that insane? Whether it was trying to look successful, cool, or put-together, I cared too much about what random people thought. Now? I couldn’t care less. I’ll still be nice and of course, making new friends is amazing but the opinions of strangers have no impact on my life, so why waste energy trying to impress them? The truth is that you’ll most likely never meet these people again, so there’s no point.
Having a Perfect Home
I love a nice cosy home, and unlike many of my friends, I am not one to follow the latest trends. I don’t need a particular kind of lamp or that sofa everyone is raving about. I just want my home to feel like me. And sure, it gets messy, even if I don’t have kids! Having the perfect home is unobtainable to a regular person who has to work and socialise. Sure, I like it clean and tidy, but I’m not going to stress over a bit of clutter or a sink full of dishes. Life’s too short to worry about perfection.
Competing with Others
I used to feel like life was a constant competition and I’d envy my friends who had gotten further than me in my career. But now I realise there’s no finish line and no prize for being “better” than someone else. I’m really the only competion I need, ‘just be better than yesterday’. I’m focused on my own journey, and comparing it to someone else’s only distracts me from what really matters.
Social Media Making Me Feel Bad
It can be very difficult looking at everyone else’s life on Instagram and feeling like you’ve achieved nothing with your life. But it’s not real! That’s the one thing I know for sure. The amount of ‘perfect’ couples I’ve followed online who then break up five months later… clearly life wasn’t that perfect right? And I post whatever I want to post…if I want to post at all! Social media isn’t real life, and chasing validation from strangers online just isn’t worth it anymore.
Trying to Fix Everyone’s Problems
I am a people pleaser with a big P. I used to feel like it was my job to step in and solve every issue for the people around me. Whether it was offering advice, lending a hand, or just being the go-to support system, I was always ready to help. Now I understand that not every problem is mine to fix. I can be there for people without taking on their burdens as my own.
Keeping Up with Trends
40 isn’t old…but I feel like it sometimes. I can’t keep up with the latest fashion trends, technology trends, lifestyle trends and I’m so over it now. I wear what I like, buy what I need, and live the way that works for me. These days trends last for literally six months, and then we’re onto the next ‘amazing’ thing. Well, I’ll just invest in the things I like and that’ll have to do.
Saying Yes to Everything
For years, I said yes to everything because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone or miss out. But constantly overcommitting left me exhausted and stretched too thin. Now I know the power of saying no and I even tell my friends to just bow out if they don’t want to go to an event or a dinner. Just tell me you can’t be bothered or that you’re tired. No need to lie. I’d rather we can all feel like it’s OK to say no than feel obligated to each other.
Apologising for Who I Am
I used to apologise for things that weren’t even my fault or feel bad about my quirks and flaws. I know I can be a bit aloof sometimes and my sense of humour is very dry. I used to get some funny looks and I’d always feel bad about it when cracking a joke that no one else seemed to think was funny. But coming up to 40 has taught me that I don’t need to apologise for being myself. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay. The people who matter will accept me as I am, no explanations needed.
Trying to Plan Every Detail of Life
Finally, I am so done with planning. The big five-year plan as they say. In my younger years, I thought I could control everything with enough planning but life has a funny way of throwing curveballs no matter how prepared you think you are. Now, I focus on what I can control and let the rest unfold as it will. Some of the best moments in life happen when you least expect them.
So if you feel like me, perhaps you’re also turning 40, 50 or, 60… what are some things you’ve decided to let go? What are you absolutely not going to do anymore?
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