Loneliness can sneak up on anyone, and over time, it can lead to behaviours that feel protective in the moment but ultimately make things harder in the long run. When people are lonely, they may unknowingly adopt certain habits that are never going to address the root of the problem. Let’s take a look at 18 self-sabotaging things lonely people likely do.
Avoid Social Invitations
It’s common for lonely people to turn down social invitations, even though deep down, they wish they could go, and the reason for that is fear: fear plays a big role, like fear of awkwardness or being judged. Over time, saying “no” becomes easier than saying “yes,” and it can feel safer to stay in the comfort of their own space.
Overindulge in Social Media
Most people endlessly doom-scroll through social media, but for those feeling isolated, it can feel like a connection, and they might find themselves comparing their lives to the curated images and stories of others. It’s easy to believe that everyone else is out living their best lives while they’re stuck in a rut.
Rely Too Heavily on Comfort Habits
When the world feels overwhelming, comfort habits like ordering takeaway, having a few extra glasses of wine, or binge-watching a favourite series can feel like a warm blanket.
These habits often replace socialising or reaching out to others, and while there’s nothing wrong with indulging now and then, relying too heavily on these behaviours can create a bubble of isolation.
Push People Away
For some, loneliness comes with a protective instinct to keep others at arm’s length. They might withdraw from conversations, cancel plans last minute, or act cold towards people they care about—all to see who will “stick around” or prove their loyalty, when, unfortunately, this often has the opposite effect.
Dismiss Small Acts of Kindness
A friendly smile, an offer to help, or a casual invitation might feel insignificant or even suspicious, and isolated people might brush it off, assuming it’s insincere or that the person didn’t really mean it. But by doing so, they miss out on small but meaningful opportunities to connect, which is what they really need.
Stay Silent About Their Feelings
Talking about loneliness isn’t easy, and many people choose to keep it to themselves, yet this silence creates a wall between them and others, making it nearly impossible for loved ones to understand what they’re going through. By keeping their feelings locked away, they miss out on the chance for genuine support.
Overthink Social Interactions
Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head, analysing every word and wondering if you said something wrong? People who feel alone do this constantly, because they might convince themselves they were too awkward or that the other person didn’t enjoy their company.
Set Unrealistic Expectations for Relationships
While they may long for deep, fulfilling relationships, sometimes their expectations are so high that no one can meet them, such as hoping for a friend or partner who can always be there and understand them perfectly. When real-life relationships fall short of these ideals—as they inevitably do—they may feel disappointed and pull away.
Isolate Themselves When Stressed
Stress can trigger a retreat into solitude, therefore, when things get tough, these individuals might feel like they don’t want to burden anyone or that no one will understand. What starts as self-protection can quickly become a cycle of loneliness and stress feeding off each other.
Sabotage Potential Friendships
Meeting new people can be nerve-wracking, as we know, and those who are feeling lonely likely sabotage these budding connections before they have a chance to grow by doing things like second-guessing the other person’s motives or assuming they won’t be liked. Instead of nurturing the relationship, they might hesitate to follow up or avoid making plans.
Blame Themselves for Feeling Lonely
Self-criticism can spiral into shame, making it even harder to reach out or believe you deserve connection, when the truth is, loneliness is a universal experience—it’s not a flaw or a personal failing.
These people might think they’re too awkward, too boring, or simply not good enough to have meaningful relationships.
Hold Grudges Against Past Friends
Most people have friendships that fall apart, leaving them feeling hurt, yet lonely people can take this one step further by holding onto that pain for too long. A likely habit is replaying old arguments, as well as focusing on the ways they were let down, and struggling to forgive.
Misread Neutral Behaviours as Rejection
Being hyper-aware of others’ behaviours sometimes results in interpreting neutrality as rejection; imagine a friend taking longer than usual to respond to a text or seeming distracted in conversation, this can feel like a personal slight if you’re lonely, right?
These misinterpretations can lead to hurt feelings and withdrawal, even when the other person had no intention of causing harm.
Focus Too Much on “Fixing” Themselves First
The need to “fix” themselves before they can be loved or accepted by others is furthermore a common trait amongst those who feel alone, and while it’s true that self-improvement is a worthy goal, waiting until they feel “perfect” can delay connection indefinitely. No one is ever fully “ready” for relationships, after all.
Cling to Toxic Relationships
A sad fact is that loneliness can make people settle for less than they deserve, especially when the fear of being alone feels worse than staying in an unhealthy relationship, resulting in tolerating disrespect or neglect. Such toxic dynamics then drain their energy and self-esteem, leaving little room for healthier situations.
Rely Solely on Pets for Emotional Support
There’s no doubt pets can be wonderful companions, offering unconditional love and comfort, especially during times of loneliness when they might feel like your only friend. It’s easy to rely on animals as a replacement for human interaction when you’re alone, but cuddling a cat or walking a dog can’t substitute for human relationships.
Believe Loneliness Is Permanent
Being prevented from seeing opportunities for connection that could gradually pull them out of their isolation is a self-sabotaging habit of lonely individuals, and they can feel like it will last forever. For this reason, that belief can become a self-fulfilling prophecy when someone thinks they’ll always be alone, feeling hopeless.
Wait for Others to Make the First Move
Often, a small gesture—a text, a call, or a simple “how are you?”—can be the first step toward breaking the cycle. Reaching out can feel daunting, especially for individuals who fear rejection, therefore they might wait for others to initiate contact. But remember, relationships require effort from both sides.