Loneliness can sneak up on anyone at any time, yet there are certain behaviours in isolated people that hold people back from building meaningful connections. Sometimes, all it needs is for you to recognise these problematic things you might be doing in order to break the cycle and connect better with people—so let’s take a look.
Questioning Their Self-Worth
When someone feels lonely, it’s not uncommon for them to question their value in relationships, with them usually thinking, “Why would anyone want to spend time with me?” This constant self-doubt can turn into a barrier that stops them from reaching out or letting people in.
They’ll Usually Overthink Social Interactions
Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head and agonised over what you said—or didn’t say? For isolated people, this happens all the time, as they might dwell on how they could’ve come across or assume they’ve made a bad impression, and this overthinking then makes them more anxious.
Vulnerability is To Be Avoided
Opening up to others can be scary, and for those struggling with loneliness, it can feel downright impossible. They may worry about being judged or rejected, so they keep their guard up and stick to surface-level interactions, but without the willingness to share their thoughts and feelings, relationships can feel shallow.
Relying Heavily on Technology
Technology makes it easier than ever to communicate, but it doesn’t always make us feel truly connected, and for individuals feeling alone, texting or scrolling through social media can feel like a lifeline, yet often a hollow substitute for real interaction.
As such, they might spend hours chatting online but still feel disconnected because virtual connections rarely match face-to-face relationships.
Trusting Others is Difficult
Trust can be a tricky thing, especially if someone has been hurt before; lonely people might struggle to trust others, even if there’s no real reason to be suspicious. They may assume people have ulterior motives or fear being let down, so they keep their distance to protect themselves.
Expectations are Usually Unrealistic
For some, relationships come with a lot of expectations—sometimes too many—therefore they might hope that a friendship or romance will solve all their problems or bring constant happiness. But when reality doesn’t live up to these ideals, they feel disappointed or even betrayed, when really, they need to adjust their expectations.
Dwelling on Negative Thoughts
When you’re alone, you can get stuck in your own head, focusing on all the things that have gone wrong in your life, like a falling-out with a friend or feeling excluded from a group. These memories play on repeat, making it hard to move on, and such negative thinking can cloud judgement, making you assume the worst about future interactions.
Even if They Get Social Invitations, They’ll Turn Them Down
It might seem counterintuitive, but lonely people often turn down social invitations because they might tell themselves they won’t fit in, won’t have fun, or that the other person invited them out of pity. Over time, this avoidance becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: fewer invitations come their way, reinforcing their belief that they’re not wanted.
Healthy Boundaries Are Hard to Come By
Some individuals feeling isolated may give too much of themselves, constantly saying “yes” to others in the hope of being liked, while others go to the opposite extreme and shut people out completely. Both approaches create strain in relationships, either by burning out the lonely person or alienating those who care about them.
Overvaluing Independence
There’s nothing wrong with being independent, but for some, it becomes a wall rather than a strength when they convince themselves they don’t need anyone, even when they’re craving connection. This overemphasis on going it alone can prevent them from reaching out for help or letting others know they’re struggling.
Always Comparing Themselves to Others
It’s easy for anyone to fall into the trap of comparing their life to others, especially on social media, however this can be even worse for those who are cut off. A lonely person might see someone posting about a night out with friends and think, “Why can’t I have that?” and these comparisons can make their loneliness feel even more intense.
Social Skills are a Struggle
Unsurprisingly, people who don’t socialise often enough then struggle with it if any opportunity arises, and socialising doesn’t come naturally to them, resulting in them feeling awkward in conversations or worrying about saying the wrong thing. They then avoid social situations altogether, meaning, unfortunately, this lack of practice only makes things harder.
Feeling Drained by Any Interaction
Even when isolated people do engage with others, they might then find socialising exhausting, which is especially true for introverts, who often need downtime to recharge. While someone who’s lonely may want close relationships, the energy required to maintain them can feel overwhelming, and as a result, they might retreat into solitude.
Carrying Past Trauma With Them
Past experiences can have a profound impact on how someone approaches relationships. Lonely individuals carrying unresolved trauma—like the loss of a loved one or a painful breakup—can find it hard to trust or open up, with walls built to protect themselves as a consequence—but those same walls can also keep out the connections they need to heal.
Judging Others Too Quickly
Loneliness can sometimes lead people to make snap judgments about others, assuming they won’t be accepted or understood, thinking that they shouldn’t even bother trying to get to know someone if the person is only going to reject them. This defensive mindset can prevent them from giving people a chance, cutting off opportunities in the long-term.
They’ll Put Self-Care on the Backburner
When someone is feeling the loneliness hit, self-care often falls by the wayside, and meals might be skipped, exercise neglected and activities—even if they used to enjoy them—avoided. This lack of care can create a downward spiral, as feeling physically and emotionally drained makes it even harder to connect with others.
Relying Too Much on the Familiar
Often clinging to what feels safe and familiar, even if it’s not fulfilling, such people might stick to old routines or avoid stepping outside their comfort zone, fearing the unknown more than their current isolation. While these habits offer a sense of security, such things can also keep people from meeting new friends or discovering opportunities to connect.