Sometimes, the people we let into our circle might not have the same good intentions we do, as much as we want all our friendships to be meaningful and genuine. Spotting the warning signs of a fake friend early on can help you protect your energy. Let’s explore some fake friend red flags that you should definitely keep an eye out for.
They Only Reach Out When They Need Something
Have you ever noticed that some people seem to show up only when they need a favour? Maybe it’s a lift, a loan, or a sympathetic ear when they’re going through something rough, and while helping friends is part of any relationship, it becomes one-sided if they’re nowhere to be found when you’re the one that needs support for a change.
Never Celebrating Your Wins
True friends are like your personal cheer squad—they’re thrilled to see you succeed, no matter how big or small the accomplishment—but if someone downplays your achievements, that’s a red flag. Lack of enthusiasm for your successes can be signs they’re not genuinely happy for you, and that’s the kind of friend you don’t need.
They Gossip About You
If you catch wind that someone you trust has been sharing your private matters or talking poorly about you behind your back, it’s incredibly hurtful, because it shows they’re not loyal. Worse, they might even be enjoying stirring drama, and they’ll justify it by saying they didn’t mean any harm.
You’re Constantly Criticised by Them
It’s normal for friends to offer feedback or opinions, especially when it’s constructive and comes from a place of care, but when someone seems to criticise everything you do, often disguising it as “just joking,” it can start to chip away at your self-esteem. A true friend builds you up, they don’t constantly look for ways to point out your flaws.
They’re Unreliable
Do they always have an excuse for why they can’t make it to plans or forget commitments they made to you? If you can’t count on someone to be there when they say they will, it’s hard to trust them, and they might even make you feel like you’re overreacting for expecting basic courtesy.
You’ll Never Get an Apology From Them
Nobody’s perfect, and even the best of friends can make mistakes, yet the difference lies in how they handle it. A fake friend will double down, make excuses, or try to shift the blame when they’ve hurt you instead of just acknowledging your mistakes.
They Don’t Listen to You
You might even find yourself in a conversation where you can’t get a word in edgeways, or maybe when you finally get a chance to talk, they seem distracted or uninterested. A good friend genuinely cares about what’s going on in your life and makes the effort to listen.
You’re Competing With Them Without Even Knowing
There’s a fine line between friendly competition and constant one-upmanship, but a friend who might feel the need to outshine you in every area, turning your friendship into an exhausting game of comparison, isn’t one you want around. They’re always looking for things they need to ‘beat’ when it comes to you.
When Things Get Tough, They Avoid You
The true test of any friendship is how someone acts when you’re struggling. It’s easy to be around during the fun times, but a fake friend will often disappear when things get hard, and they might not want to deal with your problems or feel like they’re too busy for your emotions—whatever the excuse, it shows they’re not truly invested.
You Feel Drained After Being With Them
You might have started wondering why you always leave interactions with them feeling more stressed or worn out than you did before, and that’s because a disingenuous friend might bring constant negativity that wears you down. Friendships should uplift and energise you, so pay attention to any signs that you’re only ever feeling exhausted.
Showing Envy Instead of Support
A little jealousy can creep into even the best friendships now and then, but a good friend quickly pushes it aside to celebrate your wins. A fake friend, however, might make passive-aggressive comments based on overwhelming envy, subtly undermining anything you do.
They Exclude You
If you’re that friend who always seems to be missing out on the invites that everybody else has, it could be because this particular individual is conveniently forgetting to invite you. They might even make plans in front of you without offering an invitation, and this behaviour is not only hurtful but also a sign they’re not treating you as an important part of their life.
When Others Are Around, They Act Different
It’s unsettling when someone’s personality seems to change depending on who’s in the room, and it’s likely not your imagination. Maybe they’re warm and engaging when it’s just the two of you but cold or dismissive in group settings, and this inconsistency can make you question where you really stand with them—but remember, it’s them, not you.
They’re Quick to Anger
Every friendship has its moments of tension, but a real friend will approach conflict with patience and a willingness to understand. A fake friend, on the other hand, might blow up over minor issues or hold grudges over petty disagreements, making your relationship feel like a battlefield.
Your Feelings Are Always Dismissed
When you share how you’re feeling, do they brush it off or tell you you’re overreacting? A person who consistently minimises your emotions isn’t offering the kind of support you deserve, as everyone wants to feel validated, and dismissing your feelings shows a lack of respect for you.
They Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You
Your friends are bound to know your biggest vulnerabilities, but a green flag would never use these against you; when you open up about your fears and struggles, you expect those moments to stay private, yet a fake friend might later throw those things back in your face. This kind of betrayal is a clear sign they don’t value your trust.
They’re All About Status
Some people are more concerned with what you can do for them than who you are as a person, and this is true of a red flag friend, too. If they seem to prioritise your connections, money, or social standing over your actual relationship, it’s a big warning sign, as true friends won’t be looking for the benefits they can reap from you.
They Don’t Defend You
Imagine overhearing someone badmouthing you and finding out your “friend” either stayed silent or joined in. It’s a devastating feeling, and it speaks volumes about their loyalty—or lack thereof—because someone who genuinely cares for you will stand up for you, even when you’re not around.
Your Effort is Never Reciprocated
One final thought: friendships thrive on balance, therefore if you’re always the one initiating plans, reaching out, or offering help, it’s worth considering whether they’re as invested as you are. A fake friend will happily take all the effort you’re putting in but won’t bother to return it, leaving you feeling like the relationship is completely one-sided.