Friendship is one of life’s greatest treasures, but while real friends enrich our lives, fake friends can bring unnecessary drama and negativity. It’s essential to differentiate between the two, so here’s a guide to the 21 things real friends won’t do, but fake friends will.
Make You Feel Bad About Yourself
According to Healthline, toxic and fake friends will “have a way of bringing you down instead of building you up.” Being lifted up and made to feel good about yourself is a mark of having true friends, as they offer constructive criticism kindly and help you grow. Fake people, on the other hand, often make snide remarks, put you down, and make you question your self-worth.
Talk Behind Your Back
Real friends value trust and loyalty, so they won’t gossip about you or share your secrets with others. Instead, they address any issues directly with you, while fake friends, on the other hand, love to spread rumours and talk behind your back.
Only Show Up When It’s Convenient
There for you in both good times and bad, true friends make an effort to be present, even when it’s not convenient for them. Fake friends, however, only appear when it suits them or when they can benefit from the situation, disappearing when things get tough and leaving you to deal with problems alone.
Compete with You
Genuine friendships mean celebrating your successes and supporting your ambitions without feeling threatened. They cheer you on and genuinely want to see you succeed, while disingenuous friendships mean constantly competing with you. They downplay your achievements, feel jealous, and sometimes even sabotage your efforts.
Prioritise Themselves Always
Friends who are real understand the give-and-take nature of relationships. They consider your feelings and needs alongside their own, as opposed to friends who act fake and are self-centred, always putting their needs and desires first. They rarely compromise and expect you to bend over backwards to accommodate them.
Use You for Personal Gain
You’ll be valued for who you are if you have true friends—not for what you can do for them. They don’t exploit your kindness or connections, unlike phoney friends who see you as a means to an end, using you to get ahead, whether it’s for social status, professional opportunities, or financial gain.
Disregard Your Boundaries
Respect is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Real friends respect your boundaries and understand your limits, and they don’t push you to do things you’re uncomfortable with. Fake friends, however, regularly disregard your boundaries, and they’ll pressure you, invade your privacy, and dismiss your feelings.
Lie to You
Honesty is crucial in friendships, and those that are truthful will stand by your side, even when the truth is difficult to hear because they value honesty over deception. Deceptive individuals, however, lie to you easily, hiding things and telling half-truths.
Fail to Keep Promises
Another hallmark of a good friend is reliability, as those true to you keep their promises and commitments. If they say they’ll do something, they follow through, while disappointing friends often break their promises. They cancel plans last minute, forget important dates, and fail to be there when you need them.
Neglect to Support You
True companions offer unwavering support, and they stand by you during hardships and encourage you during your lowest points. Those sham friends are absent when you need support the most, however, and they avoid difficult situations, offering little to no help.
Take Advantage of Your Generosity
Your generosity is always going to be appreciated and reciprocated by genuine people who care about you, and don’t exploit your kindness or take it for granted. People who are fake, however, consistently take advantage of your generosity; they expect you to always foot the bill, do favours without reciprocating, and take more than they give.
Make You Feel Excluded
True friends make you feel included and valued, and they ensure you feel like a part of the group and involve you in activities. Fake friends often make you feel excluded, as they leave you out of plans, act secretive, and make you feel like an outsider.
Blame You for Everything
If you have genuine people in your life, they’re going to accept responsibility for their actions and don’t play the blame game; they acknowledge their mistakes and work to resolve conflicts fairly. Toxic people, however, shift the blame onto you whenever things go wrong.
Ignore Your Achievements
You can always depend on your friends to celebrate your accomplishments, big or small, if they’re genuine, and proud of your achievements. Alternatively, fake friends often ignore or downplay your accomplishments, and they might act indifferent or even resentful of your successes.
Act Jealous
Healthy friendships are free from envy, because these friends don’t feel jealous of your successes or relationships—they support and celebrate you. The kind of friends you don’t want in your life might make passive-aggressive comments or distance themselves when you achieve something noteworthy.
Disrespect Your Opinions
Even if they don’t always agree with them, people who care about you will still respect your opinions and value your perspective. Engaging in open, respectful discussions is the norm, while in the meantime, untruthful friendships see your opinions dismissed and your thoughts belittled.
Only Reach Out When They Need Something
Have you noticed certain friends only reach out to you when they need a favour? That’s a sign they’re fake. True friends reach out to you regularly, just to check in and maintain the relationship, and they don’t only contact you when they need something.
Fail to Celebrate Your Successes
Your biggest cheerleaders should be your loved ones, so if your friendships are happy and healthy, they’ll celebrate you. Friends who don’t care about you will fail to celebrate your successes, and they might offer lukewarm congratulations or change the subject to themselves.
Constantly Criticise You
Constructive criticism is part of any healthy relationship, but real friends balance it with kindness and encouragement, while friends you need to cut from your life will constantly criticise you. They focus on your flaws, make you feel inadequate, and rarely offer positive feedback.
Make You Feel Like a Burden
True friends never make you feel like a burden; they support you willingly and are happy to help when you need it, as opposed to making you feel like you’re asking too much, even for basic support. Acting inconvenienced and making you feel guilty for seeking their help is the sign of a person who couldn’t care less.
Spread Your Secrets
One final thing to remember is that genuine companions are trustworthy, and they keep your secrets safe and respect your privacy. The fake variety, however, have loose lips, and they spread your secrets and personal information to others, breaking your trust and causing you distress.