Relationships can be complex, and often, actions believed to strengthen a bond might have unintended consequences. You should try your best to watch out for such situations because otherwise, you’ll be living in ignorant bliss, only for everything to come crashing down. For guidance, here are 19 things you think are helping your relationship but really aren’t.
Constantly Checking In
As The Independent explains, if you send your partner frequent texts or calls to “check in,” this might come across as controlling, even if you’re just trying to be supportive. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and constantly monitoring your partner can erode that trust. So, allow space for individuality, and you’ll find this leads to a far stronger connection than constantly checking in ever would.
Avoiding All Arguments
Many Brits think that avoiding disagreements means a healthier relationship, but avoiding conflict altogether can lead to unresolved issues. Suppressing feelings to maintain peace may build resentment over time, and ultimately, constructive arguments, when handled well, can actually bring couples closer by addressing and resolving issues.
Buying Expensive Gifts
You might think that lavish gifts are the perfect way to express love, but they can actually create an imbalance and financial strain in the relationship. Material expressions of affection often overshadow genuine emotional connection; the true value of a relationship lies in shared experiences and emotional support rather than the price tag of gifts.
Spending All Your Free Time Together
Just like with constant texting, spending time together is important, but doing everything with your partner can stunt personal growth and interests. Instead, it’s best to maintain individual hobbies and friendships to bring fresh energy into the relationship. Over-reliance on each other for all activities can lead to boredom and frustration, leaving you both in a constant state of compromise.
Compromising on Core Values
Speaking of compromise, it’s crucial in any relationship, but when it comes to core values, compromising can lead to dissatisfaction and regret on both sides of a relationship. It’s very important to stay true to your beliefs and ensure that both partners’ fundamental values align, so don’t ignore your differences, or you may create long-term tension and dissatisfaction.
Pretending to Be Someone You’re Not
If you’re trying to be what you think your partner wants instead of being yourself, it’s time to stop that now. Authenticity is key to a healthy connection, and pretending to be someone you’re not will eventually cause frustration for both parties. True intimacy comes from accepting each other’s genuine selves, not from trying to fit an ideal.
Giving Up Personal Boundaries
When you sacrifice your personal boundaries for the sake of the relationship, you might think it’s a sign of dedication, but in reality, it can lead to resentment. Healthy relationships require respect for each other’s personal space and limits, and that includes yours, so don’t sacrifice them for anyone–even those held closest to you.
Comparing Your Relationship to Others
It’s never a good idea to look at other couples as a benchmark for your own relationship. Constant comparison can lead to unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction, so it’s more important to focus on what works for you both. At the end of the day, every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple might not work for another.
Relying on One Person for Emotional Support
If you expect your partner to meet all your emotional needs, this will put immense pressure on the relationship. It’s healthy to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist when needed, giving your partner a break. Relying on a single person for all emotional support can lead to burnout on their part, which we’re sure you wouldn’t want your partner to go through.
Trying to Change Your Partner
Just like with yourself, believing that you can change your partner’s habits or personality traits is a terrible idea. Change must come from within, so trying to mold your partner to your liking is manipulative and will only damage your relationship. You need to accept your partner as they are; otherwise, you shouldn’t be with them.
Sacrificing Personal Goals
As we briefly touched upon earlier, putting your own aspirations on hold to prioritize your relationship might seem noble, but it will lead to regret and dissatisfaction. Personal fulfillment is important, and both partners should support each other’s dreams. A truly healthy relationship encourages personal growth on both sides rather than stifling it for the sake of togetherness.
Keeping Score
Some couples think that maintaining a mental tally of who did what in the relationship leads to fairness, but that’s not true. In fact, it can actually create a competitive rather than cooperative dynamic. A relationship should be based on mutual support, not on keeping track of who owes what.
Suppressing Your True Feelings
If you have strong feelings in a relationship, you need to express them. Holding back your true emotions to avoid conflict or to keep your partner happy can be harmful in the long run. Suppressing feelings will create emotional distance and misunderstanding, and even if you think you’re good at hiding them, the truth will always come out eventually.
Depending on Your Partner for Happiness
When you rely solely on your partner to make you happy, this creates codependency and unrealistic expectations, putting undue pressure on the relationship. A balanced relationship allows each person to find happiness independently as well as together. Happiness should come from within, and both partners should contribute to each other’s well-being.
Overplanning Your Future Together
While it’s important to have shared goals, obsessively planning every detail of your future can create stress and limit spontaneity. Relationships need room to grow and evolve naturally. Overplanning can lead to disappointment if things don’t go as expected and can take away from enjoying the present moment together.
Ignoring Red Flags
Another thing you might think is helping your relationship, but really, it isn’t overlooking issues or red flags for the sake of harmony. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this can lead to bigger problems later, such as creating an unhealthy dynamic and making it difficult to resolve underlying issues.
Expecting Your Partner to Read Your Mind
Believe it or not, many people assume that their partner knows what they want or how they feel automatically without communicating, which is ridiculous. Expecting your partner to read your mind sets unrealistic expectations, which can lead to unnecessary conflicts, so stick to open and clear communication, which only ever helps relationships.
Pretending Everything is Perfect
These days, it’s all too common for couples to project an image of a perfect relationship, especially on social media. You need to stop this, as it’s not helpful at all; in fact, it creates unrealistic expectations and pressure to maintain a façade. No relationship is without challenges, and pretending otherwise can prevent you from addressing and resolving issues.
Doing Things Out of Obligation
Finally, if you ever find yourself performing acts of love or kindness out of a sense of duty rather than genuine affection, this will only lead to you becoming resentful over time. True connection comes from actions that are heartfelt, not obligatory, so it’s important to ensure that gestures of love are sincere. Trust us–your partner will notice either way.