In relationships, feeling loved, valued, and respected is essential for both partners. However, certain negative behaviors and habits can gradually erode these positive feelings, leading to resentment and conflict. This article explores a list of traits that can be particularly damaging to relationships, highlighting the importance of addressing them to maintain a healthy and respectful partnership.
Constant Criticism
Constructive criticism can be beneficial at the right time and place. However, constantly giving your unsolicited opinions and advice, especially when they’re usually negative, is sure to make your partner feel like you do not value or respect them.
Defensiveness
When your partner respectfully brings up a concern or offers feedback, it’s important to show them that you’re listening and treat them with the same respect when responding. Constantly reacting with a sense of aggression or defensiveness will make them feel like you don’t care about them, their opinions, or their needs in the relationship.
Lack of Commitment
Sometimes, unforeseen situations arise, and we can’t follow through on our plans. This is okay when it happens rarely and you make sure to properly apologize. However, if you frequently cancel plans with your partner, this will make them feel like you do not respect them or their time. Being reluctant to define the relationship can also make them feel like you don’t prioritize their feelings or the relationship.
Unreliability
A lack of commitment is also one trait that can make you seem unreliable. Unreliability can be manifested through chronic lateness, breaking promises, and failing to follow through on commitments, creating a sense of instability in the relationship.
Disrespect
Mutual respect is hugely important in any relationship. If you show your partner that you do not respect them by publicly humiliating them or speaking negatively about them, this can crush their self-esteem and eventually cause them to reconsider the relationship.
Infidelity
Both physical and emotional affairs can severely damage the trust of your partner and the sense of safety within a relationship. Even small instances of boundary-crossing can cause them to feel like you do not respect them or care about their feelings.
Passive-Aggressiveness
Sometimes, it can feel difficult to open up and directly communicate our feelings. However, this is not an excuse to react with passive-aggression. Passive-aggressiveness can prevent partners from properly addressing their issues and create a sense of resentment and negativity.
Lack of Boundaries
Some people mistakenly believe that partners should not need to have any boundaries within their relationship. However, this is not the case. As noted by Stanford University, boundaries are incredibly important for fostering a sense of trust, respect, and safety. Failing to recognize your partner’s boundaries and right to privacy can make them feel disrespected and like they are losing their sense of identity.
Anger Issues
Some people develop anger issues as a result of difficult or traumatic childhoods. While this is not something to be ashamed of, it is important to find healthy coping tools and strategies to ensure you don’t take your anger out on your partner. Over time, this can make them feel threatened, unsafe, and disrespected.
Negativity
We all have bad days, and it’s okay to vent when you need to. However, constantly being pessimistic or negative without balancing it out with positivity can make your partner feel emotionally drained and sad. According to the APS, a negative attitude can also cause your partner to feel like you do not appreciate them and the joy they bring to your relationship.
Emotional Withdrawal
Emotionally unavailable partners can be very difficult to deal with. If you are frequently going cold on your partner, withdrawing affection, or giving them the silent treatment, this can make them feel unsupported, alone, and hurt.
Invalidating Feelings
We all feel the way we do for a reason, so it’s important to respect our partners’ feelings and experiences. Invalidating or belittling their emotions will make them feel like you don’t respect them and their feelings, severely damaging the relationship over time.
Lack of Communication
Everyone says that communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, and that’s because it’s true. Communication is essential in ensuring both partners understand each other and their needs, as well as avoiding potentially damaging misunderstandings.
Dishonesty
Regularly telling lies or being dishonest with your partner is a surefire way to make them feel disrespected and untrusting of you and your motives. Even small lies can make them feel paranoid and skeptical, and this may escalate into larger displays of dishonesty over time.
Lack of Empathy
Empathy is key to the success of any relationship. According to Verywell Mind, empathy is the ability to understand the emotional experience of another person. Naturally, showing that you understand your partner and their emotions will help them feel respected, understood, and valued, while failing to show your empathy will do the opposite.
Jealousy and Possessiveness
It’s normal to feel a little jealous sometimes. However, when you let your jealousy turn into possessiveness and restrictive behavior, this can be incredibly unhealthy for you, your partner, and your relationship. It is much healthier to have open conversations about your feelings with your partner and foster a sense of mutual trust.
Controlling Behavior
We all have our boundaries and preferences. However, preventing your partner from doing things they enjoy without them being on board is never okay. You should also never attempt to control their finances or decisions without mutual agreement. Controlling behavior can make your partner feel intimidated, guilty, and insecure.