Our lives are so often filled with distractions and quick replies, that true listening can feel rare, but its impact is profound. Practising active listening can transform how you connect with others, navigate conflicts, and build trust.
Here’s why it matters and how to develop this vital skill.
The Difference Between Hearing and Listening
Many people think they’re listening when they’re really just hearing. Hearing is passive—you catch the words being said but don’t fully engage with them. Listening, especially active listening, requires intention, focus, and empathy. It’s about understanding not just the words but the feelings and context behind them.
Consider a common scenario: a friend shares that they’re feeling overwhelmed with work. If you’re only hearing, you might say, “That’s tough,” and move on. But if you’re actively listening, you might notice the strain in their voice or the way they pause before speaking.
You’d put down your phone, make eye contact, and respond with something like, “It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate right now. What’s been the hardest part for you?”
This distinction is crucial because active listening makes people feel valued. It tells them their thoughts and emotions matter. In contrast, being half-listened to—while someone checks their phone or formulates their own response—can feel dismissive and frustrating.
Why Active Listening Builds Trust and Understanding
It’s important to remember, active listening isn’t just a skill—it’s a way of showing respect and empathy. When you truly listen, you create a safe space where others feel comfortable sharing openly. This deepens understanding and strengthens trust, both essential for any healthy relationship.
Imagine a partner expressing frustration about feeling disconnected. A reactive response might be defensive: “I’ve been busy. Why don’t you appreciate what I’m doing?” But an active listener would pause, resist the urge to react, and instead reflect: “It sounds like you’ve been feeling distant, and I haven’t been as present as you need. How can we work on this together?”
This approach does two things: it validates the partner’s feelings and opens the door to problem-solving. Over time, these moments of empathy create a relationship dynamic where both people feel understood and valued.
At work, active listening can help resolve conflicts or foster collaboration. For instance, during a team discussion, actively listening to a colleague’s concerns—even if you disagree—signals respect for their perspective.
By saying, “I hear that you’re worried about the timeline. What steps do you think we could take to address that?” you acknowledge their input while encouraging a constructive conversation.
The trust built through active listening reduces misunderstandings and strengthens connections, whether at home or in professional settings.
How to Practise Active Listening
Changing habits takes practice, and so active listening is a skill that takes time and effort to develop, it’s accessible to anyone willing to learn and practise. The first step is eliminating distractions.
In our technology-driven world, this means putting your phone on silent, closing your laptop, or turning off the TV when someone is speaking. Giving your undivided attention sends a clear message: “I value what you’re saying.”
Using verbal and non-verbal cues is another essential part of active listening. Nodding, maintaining eye contact, and leaning slightly toward the speaker show that you’re engaged. Avoid crossing your arms or looking around the room, as these can signal disinterest. When responding, focus on what they’ve shared rather than your own thoughts.
Paraphrasing is a helpful tool: “So, you’re feeling unsure about the changes at work—is that right?” This not only ensures you’ve understood but also encourages the speaker to clarify if needed.
Open-ended questions are another powerful way to deepen the conversation. Instead of asking, “Are you okay?” which might prompt a simple yes or no, try, “How have you been feeling about everything lately?” This invites a more detailed and meaningful response.
One of the hardest parts of active listening is resisting the urge to interrupt or jump in with solutions. Sometimes, people just need to feel heard. If a friend is venting about a stressful day, instead of saying, “You should do this,” try something like, “That sounds exhausting—how are you holding up?”
Providing space for them to express their feelings can be more helpful than immediately offering advice.
Finally, practise patience. Active listening requires time and focus, especially in emotionally charged situations. Pausing to reflect on what’s been said before responding can prevent misunderstandings and ensure the conversation stays productive.